EMPTY HANDS . . . . . . FULL HEARTS!

Afraid to Pray for Patience

2011-05-01T23:51:00.001-05:00

I have always been afraid to actually PRAY for patience. I was pretty sure it came only through the hard stuff....at the very LEAST it would mean long periods of WAITING! Heck, who wants to WAIT for anything? My generation can scarcely remember life before the microwave.

But...here is what I have found lately: I don't really HAVE to pray for patience. I am finding that the more time I spend seeking Him...searching earnestly for His will for my life...the more I am willing to follow where He leads and WHEN...so there is no need to ask for patience...it is just part of the package.
God really CAN be trusted to orchestrate the details of my life...if I get outta the way...and quit messing it up. It is SUCH a wonderful, peaceful feeling to know that I do not have to "make things happen." My job is to STOP-LOOK & LISTEN.

Stop being so busy "doing" (or in MY case: thinking & manipulating)
Look...into His word! Really? We are missing the obvious when we whine about God not telling us what He wants us to do. He is like a classic parent...saying it several times to children who refuse to hear & comprehend.
Listen! Ok...really....I have never received an AUDIBLE message from God - although that WOULD be WAY COOL! I have, however, had the very blessed experience of a peace that washes over me like a wave during two rather stressful times in my life. Now? I can say I feel a general sense of trust in His timing, in His plan...even when the world would say: "Hey, crazy lady! DO SOMETHING....NOW!" I am getting to the point where "wait" is not necessarily an answer I rebel against. Instead, I am learning to look for the rewards that I would MISS if I rushed past where He wants me at that time.

If you do not know the peace of patience that can only come from the Lord....a sense that He will open the right doors and we just have to be willing to walk through them (and NOT be tempted to get the crowbar after the shut doors!)....you are missing out. Maybe it's too scary to PRAY for patience. I get that - really - I DO! BUT...I would say...pursue it as a byproduct that comes from seeking hard after Him. Personally, I wanna be huddled up close to the one who cared enough to give it ALL up for ME!

A 3 year old should not die alone. A 3 YEAR OLD SHOULD NOT DIE!

2011-04-27T01:45:00.005-05:00

Ok...yes...I am up at an insane hour. I was just about to go to bed when I got a message from the wonderful man we may work with in Ethiopia.

He was asking me to pray for a little 3 1/2 yo girl who is in the hospital DYING! She is HIV+ and her mom died about 2 weeks ago. No one really knew they were +.....mom kept it a secret until it was too late. Ugh....and meds are free. It looks like it will be too late for this precious daughter. There is a 10 yo brother who is not +....but that is another tragedy. He lost his mom, he will lose his sister and who will raise him? I was told a neighbor is caring for him. But...will they continue? If or when they realize this boy's mother & sister "died from AIDS" will they believe he is safe to be around? The stigma is still there. I know of two women who just recently were turned away from jobs as housekeepers because they were HIV+. College educated young adults do not completely believe me when I explain the facts to them.

Ignorance is killing people.

What can we do? How soon can we do it? Is God calling us to hospice? To step into the emotionally challenging task of loving people as they die? NO one should die alone. No one should be left all alone. Everything in me wants to BE there right now.

What I really wish is that I could get on a plane tomorrow and be there to hold this little girl...so she would not die alone. Be there to comfort the little boy who will have no family whatsoever. Can you believe I priced the ticket? Oh, yes - and I have it all "figured out"....'cept the money....because I really COULD just go.

I walked about 4 miles tonight...wrestling with God. I am heartbroken and there is no other way I want to be. I cannot be "okay" with life here - the way we live it, the way we WASTE it - when I know a little girl is dying alone right now...because her mom was too afraid to tell anyone they were sick. I know their names.

How many others? Too many. Why is this something we are able to ignore? Are we okay with this....because it does not affect us? Are we human?

I would go tomorrow.

I know people think I am crazy. I guess I just really don't care.

Their names are Frehiwot and Brook.

Am I brave enough to say: Here's My Life

2011-04-16T23:15:00.001-05:00

I want this....I want my life to be laid out for Him...but, I also want the close relationship to be completely honest with Him and able to lean into Him for what only HE can supply!

Am I BOLD ENOUGH to say: I Refuse

2011-04-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

Faith Without Works?

2011-04-16T22:47:00.001-05:00

Is my faith DEAD? Or is it just stifled because what my HEART desires is OH SO strange and scary to the average American Christian?
What does it mean and what does it look like to give Him everything? Do I trust Him with it? Do I honestly believe it is His and He deserves it...ALL?

My Favorite Day

2011-04-10T23:20:00.002-05:00

Usually, I am not slow to catch on....really....honestly....I am quite the opposite - unless, of course, God is sending me messages....LOUD & CLEAR! I have joked that I really do not need to know God's WHOLE plan...but, I would love an occasional Post-It Note to drop from the sky.

On November 2, 2009, I had come to the end of my persistent and often manipulative personality.

(See http://emptyhandsfullhearts.blogspot.com/2010/11/golden-promises.html for details)

I was DONE trying to force open the adoption doors that were closing...or slamming shut. But - gosh darn it - God was not taking away the sincere desire to parent more children...and I knew full well I was not birthin' any more babies!

I gave up. In reality, I gave up trying it MY way and God - almost IMMEDIATELY - showed me HIS WAY! I picked up my precious lil brown boy later that day. At that time, I was amazed - but - looking back? I AM FLOORED!

Fast forward exactly one year later...November 2, 2010.

Kari Smalley Gibson was raffling off a FREE missions trip to Ethiopia. All I had to do was buy a t-shirt. Hundreds of people did the same. The winners were drawn over the weekend at a leaders training seminar..but POSTED on November 2. Enough t-shirts were sold for 2 free trips - and 2 names were drawn. Not my name. BUT....oh, BUT! A wonderful family anonymously gave funds for a 3rd free trip....and GOD CHOSE ME! Out of hundreds of people whose hearts' desire was to go and be blessed and BE a blessing in Ethiopia...for some reason - GOD CHOSE ME! And....I found out on November 2nd!

I did not think 45 was "old" - but - now...I may have to go get a CT scan to make sure everything is alright. <jk> 'Cause - DANG - it was only the other day that it finally occured to me that BOTH of these knock-your-socks-off, change-your-life & let-Me-drive-it-home-to-you-that-YES-I-care-so-much-about-lil-ole-YOU moments happened on THE SAME DATE exactly one year apart!!!!

I have never had a "favorite day." Oh, sure....I love my anniversary, and the day each of my kids were born...but, a favorite day? Naw - not really....not for anything but the above "obvious" reasons...and my own birthday is too close to Christmas. Even the day I gave my life to Christ was in August...and it was more of a process - that eventually culminated into a personal surrender - since I grew up in a Christian home.

BUT...now? OH, yes...I have a favorite day: November 2nd, baby! I would be lying if I said I was not looking forward to THIS year's November 2nd with excitement and anticipation. Maybe nothing "special" will happen. However, it WILL be a wonderful day because it will be a time to look back over the last 2 years and be hugely thankful. (And...ya never know.....?!)

Bottomline?...I think God is pretty cool...to care enough to do 2 things that rocked my world and brought me closer to Him and showed me how much He really cares about me and my puny life...and on the SAME day of the year!

This Picture Makes Me Cry - EVERY TIME!

2011-04-04T21:03:00.001-05:00

Here is a photo that expresses the depth of where my heart is. The look on this boy's face crushes me. He is a young orphaned boy who was pulled off the street...and put into a government orphanage with hundreds of other "boys"....ranging in age from maybe as young as 6 up to (gasp) 25! Let's be like most people and not even begin to think of the horrors that may be happening in that place. *sigh*

This precious child should NOT be walking around each day trying to figure out life by himself - or worse, in the midst of so many other lost souls.

He should NOT be going to bed all alone, feeling like no one loves him, no one in the whole world cares at all.

If we can go and love kids like this boy - give them a smile, a hug, a kiss, a meal, a shirt, a pair of shoes...a face to look forward to seeing...a reason to HOPE - it's worth it to me.

I LOVE MY DAD!!!

2011-04-04T20:29:00.000-05:00

Ok...first...let me say: I LOVE MY MOM, too! It's just that the email volley has been between me and my dad after I broke the news that our heart's desire is to move our family to Africa. My sweet mom is just trying to wrap her wonderful heart around it all. However, my mom actually STARTED this whole thing...she was THE FIRST person on BOTH sides of my family to realize that God loved her enough to send His son - his precious only child - to die on a cross for her...so she might receive eternal life with her Abba Father. It's not easy to let your child go and do good things...hard things.

So....I guess you can connect the dots BACKWARDS and see that any of God's children in Africa (or elsewhere!) who are loved by me - or INTRODUCED TO CHRIST - can thank my mom! :)

Anyway...since so many people read our last post, I thought I should share how it has played out so far. In a nutshell, my rational father was....well, loving & rational! Some of my favorite things he wrote:

First --- you are right. Dad would understand. I truly do. Must admit, though, I am not the most popular guy with those sentiments.

...how can I object that I have a daughter who wants to make the world a better place for those living in a world of despair. My “practical” side tells me no way! But my heart tells me that, although painful, if you believe it’s the right thing to do and feel that the Lord is leading the way, you will know by the doors that will open or close.

He went on to share stats with me about risks associated with living in Addis. Still...rational.

You’re probably going to get sick of me, real fast. However, as I circle the globe via Internet, I will share the good and the bad with you. Again, I expect you know these facts. Lori, I am not trying to be discouraging…just passing this info along…

I love my dad's heart! Here is my reply to him...

I will not get sick of hearing from you. Most of it makes me smile. I know you love me and my family. And I think you know I love you AND them, too....and, if I did not believe this was God's plan, I would not pursue it. We have been thinking about this for a long time now...probably about 3 years and slowly but surely God has removed our reasons "why not." At this point, we can weigh two options: 1. Go and serve God as He opens these doors, or 2. Stay and....continue to live for ourselves. We could stay here and serve at church and work with Safe Families and, heck, we could even work with youth at risk around here. All these things are good - but, that is not where our hearts are. I don't know if I can really explain it. Maybe we have just moved past a point in our lives and this is what is next. We are not finding anything biblical that would suggest we not go. On the contrary, what we are reading is compelling and encouraging and convicting. We just really want to live there among people we love and do what we can - through Christ - to meet their needs, make their lives a little better, offer them some hope and share the message of Jesus with them....because it is not this life in this broken world that matters...it is our eternal life!
I don't have all kinds of statistics on Addis, but I do know that Ethiopia is a third world country...and I know what that means. I have read a lot about it over the years. We are not fooling ourselves into thinking this will be like living in a midwest suburb. But...that brings me to the last part of this reply. Your concerns bring me to tears because the need is VERY great and there is much pain and suffering. Yet, there is joy in their faces - despite what we view as "so little." They are so rich in the things we have lost in our opulence. They value relationships and time with each other, they take pleasure in the little things, they value friendships and they seek hard after God. I am not saying every person is like this...of course, not.
I know this saddens you and mom because it is far and it seems scary. But, I want to spend my life on something that matters more than what I have found thus far. If my siblings and their families do not understand or if they are against it...I don't really need to know that. They cannot possibly know my heart - but - I know in my heart whose approval I truly seek...and this is what we are feeling strongly led to pursue. At this point in our lives, we just really desire to put feet to our faith and God has seen fit to allow us to fall in love with a place and - more so - a people. Right now, our hearts long to be back there in that place and with those people - but - I want to get my heart to a place that I truly yearn for heaven and CHRIST even more passionately.
If we go - God willing - and if you ever decide to visit us there...I think you will understand!
OXOXO
Lori

And - BLESS MY HEART! - here is his reply:

Okay, Lori:
That was the reply I expected and wanted…..Total Commitment!

And, even though I pointed out the bad spots, I still support your heart and what you want to accomplish. I always knew there was something more in your life and am not surprised in the least that this is what you chose to do. It’s hard to criticize someone who wants to do God’s work, even if it means in a far-off land in a place we “comfortable” people find extreme. That’s where Christian work is needed most.

You will not receive any more emails pointing out unpleasant subjects, rather encouragement.

And, yes, I would visit Africa once again!

I guess you and I are stuck with Winston’s wise words:

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give!”
I love you!

Did I tell you? I LOVE MY DAD! (And my mom, too!) Now...about that dream to go, as their undeservedly blessed child, to be Mom to some precious brown children.....

How Do You Tell Your Parents...

2011-04-02T02:50:00.001-05:00

...that your heart's desire is to move their precious grandchildren....TO AFRICA!?! It was bad enough when we took the two we had at the time 1,000 miles from New Hampshire to Illinois. That move was in 1996 and it was "supposed" to be for 2 years. Fast forward to 2011 and we are still here!

Here is the slightly edited version of how I told my parents...my life is an open book - why not share it?!

Mom & Dad,

I have been meaning to call you - but- I have an average of 10 kids in my house now...ranging from 7 weeks old to 20 years old....since it is Spring Break. Before that, I landed home with only 9 days to tell Pete all about my trip before he left. He was gone for 12 days and I was single parenting (with the amazing help of Ali and her sweet boyfriend, Chris) two under 2 and my brood. Add to that the fact that I was staying up late to catch Pete online (8 hour time difference) and getting up early with infants & toddlers. AND....I was finishing out my job - YAY!!!

I don't even know where to start. Maybe I will just start with what I know Dad will say: "I am not surprised at all."

I suppose it makes the most sense to work backwards. We are praying and strongly suspecting God is throwing open doors for our family to move to Ethiopia in the next 18-24 months. We have tried hard to view it as the natural, emotional, hill-top reaction to two amazing, life-changing trips to a world so different from everything we know here. There are three Smith hearts stuck in Addis Ababa. There is no where else I would rather be right now. Pete and Ali wholeheartedly agree. There is so so so much to consider and figure out - but - we are trusting God BIG TIME on this. He is blowing us away sending people to answer our questions before we even ask them. Let me see if I can answer some of the obvious....

Money? We will have to raise support and, I would love to say that would come from Christians through churches, BUT....ha! Individual Christians - sure..maybe....hopefully. However, we are meeting with a dear friend of ours who may offer us the opportunity to return to the states for 10-12 weeks each year to WORK to raise what could be well over half what we would need to live on annually. They provide these opportunites specifically for pastors & missionaries. (ACK! We would be missionaries?! Pete used to bring up that subject before kids and I would CHANGE IT!)

Medical? I spoke to a woman who is already living there. She told me about her international medical policy - said it was non-negotiable! (We know several Americans who live there right now....God keeps crossing our paths!) We would plan to have the kids go for annual doctor & dentist...and scoliosis & eczema & Crohns...visits while we are in the states. I did have to take a couple trip members to the hospital while I was there. That is another story! Sorta funny, but not really. Anyway, I got to see the medical care available to Americans - and what it costs - and it is not bad at all. My friend has already found a great dentist from Germany...since her husband had a tooth issue. I guess, bottomline: Do we trust God? It IS a fairly modern, large city. People DO live and breathe there - including Americans. I will admit, this was my last surrender....as a Mom.

School? Ok...God has a sense of humor. I may homeschool the little kids. We have friends who are going in August and the wife dreaded homeschooling - but her daughter did not get into the American school there. I told her she could school MY kids and I would school hers...then it would be PRIVATE school, not homeschool. Either way, we may put them on a waiting list for this highly recommended school. We are hoping Ali and Kane will come with us and attend the Youth With A Mission school there in Addis to complete the Discipleship Training School. It is something I would have thought they might like even before this - lucky for us, there is a local branch. Otherwise, they can attend in another location. The program is cool...12 weeks of classes and 12 weeks in the field working in evangelistic outreach somewhere in the world. I love the thought of them doing it together! Their courses can be applied to a degree through the school the program is affiliated with - so that is a plus.

What the heck?! This is probably the #1 question. We have a heart to work with the street kids and the children who age out of the orphanages. I thought I would go there and get my heart set on toddlers, maybe even babies....but.....no. My heart was captured by the people. The old raisin ladies - the one who cried tears of joy when I hugged and kissed her...and would not let go...telling me with gestures that she would see me in heaven. My precious translator told me people rarely pay attention to her - much less hug & kiss her. The leper men - I love these men! I know I could not work in a nursing home here in the US...but I was so blessed to be with these men. The JOY! No fingers, feet half gone & missing noses...dancing & singing & blessing us. The children...their love and generosity challenges me. They light up just because we smile at them...even if we have nothing more to offer than hugs & kisses. The ache? The older kids. The children who live in orphanages and know they will not be adopted. The kids who can't even cry anymore because they miss their dead mothers too much. The boys who have to move into adulthood with little or no guidance. The young man who told me that - until he was able to call me Mom - there was never ever anyone in his life who cared what happened to him, much less truly loved him.

What will we do there? We hope to work in conjunction with orphanages - like a nice catholic orphanage run by THE most delightful nuns - to bridge the gap for the kids as they "age out." We are not exactly sure what this will look like YET - but God is working overtime to connect us with like-minded people HERE and in Ethiopia....strong Christians who have a burning passion for the same kids!

There is a man Pete and I both met whose heart is pure and he is so sold out to Jesus. We will definitely consider working with him. That angle got very exciting just the other day because a dear friend of mine - whose husband I knew led short term missions trips to Ethiopia - told me they are going together TOMORROW and they suspect God is calling their large family to move there and work with this man and his ministry. There is something HUGELY reassuring to find out that sound, strong Christians....who are OLDER than us....might be there for us to do life with!

So much of this is still up in the air....but....we have such a peace about it. We want God to use US to love on people there and to show them Christ...to make a difference in their earthly AND ETERNAL lives.

For FUN - and to further reach children (and their families) - I want Pete to consider starting a softball/baseball little league. They know OF baseball, but no one plays it and several of the people we talked to wanted to learn. We even sent a bat bag full of "supplies" to one of the driver/translators. He is a strong Christian man who loves the children...and they love him. (One of Ali's favorites by far - he looked out for her!) He said he attempted to play with some kids and some Americans the other day. They had a blast - but he said they need PRACTICE....and Pete. (I thought that was cute!) Basketball is another sport they are intrigued with. We have two friends there who play on a league that pays them a small amount. I would love to see Pete - with help! - start something for the kids that would be a Christian outreach. Our kids play Upwards here and it is PHENOMENAL! You have no idea how many hearts you might reach with a little fun and a loving coach. (This is TOTALLY Pete's sweet spot!) I will send you a story about a man who is changing lives all because someone waved at him and spent the day playing Frisbee with him.

What about right now? Well, we are not discounting several factors....and the timing is exciting! We do not think it was a coincidence that Pete and I BOTH were handed FREE trips to Ethiopia...and only 9 days apart. Add to that Ali's trip. We only sent out a "PLEASE PRAY" letter and so much money came in from so many unforseeable sources.

I would not have guessed that my job would be eliminated due to restructuring - yet - I was given severance pay through July. Our 3 year house lease is up in June and Kane graduates in May. Our next child is not even close to entering high school yet - whew! Hezekiah's adoption should be final within the next year. We have a car payment until this October....but, after that...we are completely debt-free. We are on the hunt for a rental home that is considerably cheaper than this place....and I think this poor housing market may work in our favor. We will have a chunk of money from Pete's 401K to hold in an emergency fund. (Gotta be somewhat responsible!) PLUS, the opportunity I mentioned above may start in a smaller form this summer which would enable us to HOPEFULLY start to SAVE!

We are fully aware we will be in Satan's crosshairs. We will be soliciting prayer warriors, for sure! We are actually hoping to be able to do a trial run of 2-4 months. Pete would have to use all his vacation time - and/or - ask for a short leave of absence. There is a company allowance for leaves...just not sure if our REASON would quailfy. Our friends did this and they thought it was invaluable. You really need to live there - as opposed to visiting or vacationing. We may find it is not for us....but we want to go into this with our eyes wide open....with His eyes.

Are we CRAZY?!?! Ummm....YES! Completely! We are crazy in love with the people there. The babies, the toddlers, the school kids, the teenagers, the 20-nothings (my favorites!), the adults who have fully embraced us, the old, the sick, the homeless....it's a package deal, for sure. Pete even fell in love with a PROSTITUTE! Okay....actually a FORMER prostitute. She calls him her brother and he changed her life just by listening to her. She was pulled off the streets and trained to be a hairdresser to free her from that life....to give her children a hope & a future. There are women who rent 3-sided rooms for $1.20 a day that are slightly bigger than the set of bunk beds they house. These women put their children on the top bunk while they "work" the bottom bunk. These women GREW UP on the top bunk...and so did the men they "service." No one should live this way. We want to offer ourselves to God to change things like this. It is not really all that hard. Someone just has to care...has to bother.

We have an "adopted" 22 year old son in Ethiopia. This young man, Tesfalem (which means "hope for the world") is amazing. He was orphaned at 3 months old. His sister was only 2. They have both grown up in government orphanages - they aged out. (I hate that term...maybe because I can see the faces of it.) He has everything in the world to be bitter and angry about - his life was not fair from the very start. Here is what he wrote today on his Facebook account: "Who is lucky that much i am? I don't care i don't have anything .b/c she is more than things .and she created incredible feeling in my heart after 22 of long meaning less years .don't ask me about it b/c i can't explain and u can't expect . Love you mom. And all my family members (pete,ali, ...............) LOVE YOU ALL"

If being Mom to a 22 year old can change a life...I am in. He asks nothing of us. Just wants to be loved by a mom...and a dad (Pete met him, too!). He was so touched that Pete was asking about the details of his life and what we might be able to do to help him that he could not explain his feelings to me in English. I had him write it out in Amharic & I had it translated. Raw. He was pretty emotional that someone would even think of his needs - much less his wants - and desire to do something to help. He said even if we never ever did anything FOR him, he would love us forever for thinking of him and caring about him. Beacuse he is our son and we love and care for him, we are helping him out a bit financially. Now - for the first time ever, EVER - at 22 and 24, he and his sister have a safe place of their own. I cannot begin to imagine. He sent me photos - he is so happy, so proud....so relieved to be able to take care of his sister. He is a good kid. God saw fit to raise up a young man of amazing character - SOMEHOW?! - and we are reaping the blessing. He and Ali hit it off like brother and sister and it was incredibly hard to say goodbye at the airport. Truly like leaving a child behind.

I am telling you all this to let you know that we are in awe of the opportunities to give so little, yet do so much. We have been given SO much and we have used it to amass what matters so NOT AT ALL. We are thankful that God is bringing us to a place in our lives where we truly WANT to let go....and go.

There are so many factors in this. God has been pulling us down this path...and I do not discount that losing the house, disrupting the adoption, etc were all part of the humbling process. I would not trade any of it. We want to wait on Him and follow Him and He is giving us peace and patience....and excitement as we watch things unfold.

Okay....did ya know?! Or are you having to take a heart pill? I love you beyond words and I will be FOREVER grateful to you BOTH for the legacy....if not for YOU and your faith...where would I be now? I could "blame" you for this , but I prefer to see this as a continuing legacy. If you want to know what is swirling in my brain, read "Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream," by David Platt. WOW! His book did not CREATE this desire - only confirms it!

With a smile,

Lori Smith

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming ‘Woo hoo – what a ride!’”

Pouring My Heart Out to My Best Friend...7,000 Miles Away!

2011-04-02T01:40:00.000-05:00

Here is a post I sent to my husband, Pete...after an amazing day!

Pete...you were right...saw the face of Jesus here...hugged an old, old woman who would not stop kissing me - told me she would see me in heaven - AND...fed a very old man in a leprosy community who could not use his own hands. He did not speak, just stared into my eyes with tears rolling down his face. It was so easy to kiss his dirty cheeks. How IS that?

Wet Balloons

2011-04-02T01:28:00.001-05:00

Here is the Facebook post I threw up after our first full day in Ethiopia:

Wanna know who blows up balloons at a government run orphanage in a third world country....even AFTER the kids have put them in their own mouths?

To which MY DAUGHTER replied:

Who X2 lol! Like mother like daughter I guess. And I didn't know she was doing it too til after I started ha! How could I say no?

Wet balloons and dirty little faces...I wouldn't want it any other way!

More Than Just a CUTE SHIRT

2011-01-08T23:41:00.000-06:00

Yes, this kid is adorable. Yes, my husband is a HUGE Dallas Cowboys fan. Yes, his zeal has infected the entire family. (Lucky man...has a wife who loves football.) Yes, one of his all time favorite players is Emmitt Smith. And, yes, our little man is pretty darn cute in that jersey. But...that is not the best part of this "story."

I work at a large church in the childrens area. We are casual and fun and warm and welcoming. I have some really AMAZING volunteers in Registration where we check in each and every child who comes to one of our three weekend services.

Well...there is this one woman.

She usually came to the Saturday evening service with her husband and 4 kids. So many times she would come in and be so obviously m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e! Without going into private details, suffice it to say, there was a lot in this woman's life to be unhappy about...from everyday irritations to sheer pain - the kind most moms do not even want to imagine. I had the advantage of knowing this about her from others who had a real heart for this struggling family.

Because I love my volunteers - and I tend to be a bit protective of them - I would go out of my way to be the one to wait on this mom when she checked in her children. Regardless of her demeanor, I tried my best to be positive and loving toward her. Most of the time, she was able to check her kids in without making eye contact...all the while uttering something painful or negative.

Some of my dear, sweet volunteers were led by their hearts to step up and make a difference. They made it their personal mission to get this woman to smile.

My volunteers usually only stay down in the children's area until about 10-15 minutes after the adult service starts. Our unhappy mom usually arrived after the start of the service and during a time when most families had already checked in...and I was the only one left in Registration. Two or three of my volunteers started to wait each Saturday evening until this family arrived! I no longer ran interference for them...they enthusiastically greeted the family and focused so much love and affection on this women - all jammed in the few minutes spent at check in!

Fast forward....this woman has CHANGED! She signed up to volunteer in the baby nursery. She started to bond with the other precious volunteers who were in there loving on beautiful, perfect infants. My little guy was in there at the time and she proclaimed him her FAVORITE! He was my excuse to get to know her even better. She is now absolutely delightful and her smile lights up the room. Her rich laughter blesses my heart. I love to see what God has done in her life...and I attribute at least some of it to the wonderful people who choose to spend their time serving Jesus and others - by my side.

This mom and I have joked about all the name changes we have considered if we are able to adopt our sweet baby. It has been FUN!

Tonight, she brought me a little gift bag. I thanked her, told her she did not have to buy me anything, and she excitedly insisted I open it. Adorable! Precious...on more than one level. I had an excuse to give this mom a HUGE HUG...the same woman who would barely look me in the eye about one year earlier.

I will keep that little Cowboys jersey forever. It will remind me of a special mom and a Jesus who loved her through me and some very special friends of mine. What an honor!

You just NEVER know...

2010-12-29T21:07:00.005-06:00

Funny how things can come full circle.
I am in awe of people who believe in sheer consequences. To me, it makes so much more sense to believe that God is in control of all this craziness... especially when you see - in hindsight - a fun or even amazing plan unfolded!

For those of you who know me, it is not surprising to know that I really do not like Wal-Mart. I have tried to figure out - honestly - why? I could say it is a matter of principle and it is about fair trade and how a giant retailer creates a negative environment from the most basic, third world laborer to the middle man supplier or even to treatment of the store employees right here in the good ole USA. I get all that - I really do....but it's not that complicated. It donned on me recently: I just think people should be NICE! Gosh darn - especially if they are dealing with me, the PAYING CUSTOMER!

Given the choice, I will choose to shop at Target...just tends to be a more civilized experience...at least in my neck of the woods. However, there are times when Wal-Mart is more convenient and has what I "need." I will say, though, I have my limits. My sisters-in-law suggested one year, on Black Friday, that we be at Wal-Mart when the doors opened at 4 AM! Ummm, NO! I had them pick me up around 6 am, when they were done with that insanity and on their way to the next open-way-too-early store.

I will shamelessly admit I am rather proud of the fact that I boycotted Wal-Mart for over a year not too long ago. However, I am now not all that proud of the reason WHY. I went to return some excess craft items I purchased for a classroom Halloween party. The lady at the Customer Service desk (oh my - there's an oxymoron) was rude. She did not say a single word to me and had a sour expression the entire time. Her silence was a challenge to me and I attempted to get her to crack - and MAYBE be nice - but AT THE VERY LEAST speak to me. She never did. WOW...that really threw me for a loop. I got to my car and called the phone number on my receipt. I asked for the manager and unemotionally told him how disappointed I was with the way I was treated.

Wait! I have to throw in an important tidbit here...I try real hard to call store managers when I have a positive experience - especially when an employee goes above and beyond what is expected. Heck, I have called about a couple delightful Wal-Mart employees AND I recently gave the DMV a glowing report!! It is our nature to QUICKLY complain...so I consciously try to COMPLIMENT, too!

Back to Wal-Mart....

The manager listened to my complaint and assured me he would speak to the lady at the returns desk. Obligatory, I am sure. I was polite to him - but - I had to admit to him...I really was not going to shop there anymore. Like he cared, right? As if he believed me? Not likely. If not, he was over 1 year wrong.

Fast forward 2 or 3 years...

I am working at a church and a woman I know briefly comes on staff at one of our campuses. She is delightful and inspiring and supportive and one of THE MOST LOVING people I know! I simply adore her and treasure every single moment I am in her presence. She is someone I want to live next door to when I get to heaven. (Are you catching on to how much I love her?!)

To make her even MORE wonderful, in her previous life, she was a professional hairdresser who now cuts hair in her home one day a week. With so many kids, that is a savings opportunity I am totally all about. PLUS, I get to hang out with her that much more!

Here's the DRUM ROLL part......
I arrive at her house one lovely Monday for haircuts and I am introduced to her mother. OH YES...you just made the connection and I am SO glad this woman has NOT remembered me from the service desk!

C'mon now...how CAN this be?! This woman could not possibly have raised this GOLDEN CHILD?! My heart sinks with realization as I acknowledge enough physical resemblance that I dismiss any crazy notion of questioning the genetics.

I am polite & friendly & in a state of shock that I am hopefully concealing.

I find out later that these two women have a very strained relationship and it's been rough for quite some time. (Okay...at least SOMETHING makes sense - whew!)

Over the past year, this Wal-Mart lady (actual identity unrevealed!) through her wonderful daughter has supported us in adoption & missions trip fundraising. God is so cool~ He has seen fit to humble me and give me a natural, comfortable...even delightful...relationship with this woman. Yup...the same lady who single-handedly got me to swear off Wal-Mart for over a year.

I often run into her at her daughter's house and she seems excited to see me. She works in the photo lab now at Wal-Mart and has printed several photos of our foster kids when I am sending them to their bio moms. She is actually sweet to me!

The bottom line? I have been able to love on this MOM for her daughter...and her daughter claims SHE, herself, is blessed by that. (I get paid in take-your breath-away squeezin' hugs!)

Funny how things come full circle: I was in Wal-Mart the other day - right after Christmas - and I saw this mom. I went up to tell her I knew she got a really cool necklace from her daughter's family (she bought it from OUR fundraiser!) and she smiled, turned to me - SHOWED OFF the very necklace I was referring to! - and gave me a big hug!

Never say never!

BEADS, Glorious Beads!

2010-12-14T16:55:00.000-06:00

WE HAVE NECKLACES!

Gorgeous necklaces made by lovely Ugandan women from hand rolled recycled PAPER beads.

Each one - no matter how long - is $20! That price is split between: the beader, Visiting Orphans and US...for Ali's missions trip! Add $1.50 for shipping...unless you are local & I can hand deliver!

TO ORDER ONLINE: Visit www.doingitafraid.org, Click on the DONATE button (right column), specify $21.50 and send email to doingitafraid@gmail.com indicating the one you want! Don't forget to include your MAILING address.

LOCALS: I am happy to show you ALL these beauties in person. Just ASK!

Our Christmas "Letter!"

2010-12-02T01:15:00.005-06:00

SMITH FAMILY 2010

WISHING YOU A PEACEFUL CHRISTMAS

& AN EYE-OPENING NEW YEAR!

By grace, we have been blessed & it is an added blessing to be able to share with others.

In 2011, our desire is to offer hope...

right here in Chicago—or even half a world away!

Our prayer is that YOU will join us as we search for what really matters in this life … in an effort to make a REAL difference!

Another FUN GIveaway!

2010-11-30T09:07:00.001-06:00

Click on THIS: http://networkedblogs.com/b9k8O?a=share&ref=nf and check it out.
I have a new friend who is stepping out to serve God and love of little ones in Uganda....AND SHE LEAVES TOMORROW! To celebrate her departure, she is giving away three beautiful necklaces...all made of hand rolled PAPER beads. If you have not seen these, you will be amazed. I have more than one - and they are addictive.

You will also LOVE reading her blog and learning all about her "story!" She has a sponsorship program for the children in Uganda and only $100 a year - a YEAR, not a MONTH - supports one child....and makes a HUGE difference in their lives. YOU just might be there ticket out of a life of poverty...and all for less than $10 a month.

This Giveaway Stuff seems to be contagious...

2010-11-20T09:24:00.003-06:00

My friend is getting creative and doing a pretty cool fundraiser. Check it out. Honestly, winning a photo session with her would become a priceless family memory for years to come! I am going back to check out that kid-friendly cookbook for only $5.00. And - having my name on the back of that framed puzzle when they show their adopted daughter who helped out? Hmmmm....pretty cool.
http://stephanie-fishoutofwater.blogspot.com/2010/11/any-day-now.html

UNbelieveable!

2010-11-09T00:08:00.003-06:00

I have actually started to write this post more than once. I think it just was not happening because I SIMPLY COULD NOT BELIEVE I won a completely free 10 day missions trip to Ethiopia! Here is what I sent to Kari Smalley after my hands finally stopped shaking:

We’re crying and shaking here….and wanting to HUG and KISS that wonderful family who was moved by God to make this possible. My daughter and I are still in shock and my husband – at work – is not believing us. He is logging on to see for himself. Looks like my husband will be staying home with the kids and PROUDLY wearing his MAN UP shirt! I love it!!! (BTW…Carolyn T. is a good friend of mine…and she did not make a peep.) THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for doing this. I would not be going otherwise…in fact…the last of the 3 t-shirts I purchased came out of tight grocery money!

I am one of those people who does not ever REALLY "expect" to win. I was excited to watch the taped drawing because I knew some people who had purchased t-shirts to enter and I hoped I would know at least one of the two winners. Even my kindergarten buddy bought a "Man Up" shirt - I have not seen him since 6th grade - and we joked about how cool it would be if one of us won...incredible if we BOTH won and went together...but I never thought it WOULD happen.
The actual drawing happened over the weekend and the video was supposed to be posted at 9 am the following Tuesday...but, when we opened the computer that morning, it had posted an HOUR EARLY! We nervously watched it...excited, but not expectant.
Two winners drawn and no names we recognized. THEN - THEN! - Kari pulled out a check and said ONLY 4 DAYS before a woman contacted her saying her family wanted to fund a 3rd person for the trip. Way-too-cool!! And JUST 2 DAYS later a check came in that was actually and above the cost of the trip. (There is a 4th trip being given away now through Visiting Orphans!)
As a woman reached into the pile of 573 entries to draw the 3rd and final name, Kari stopped her to mix up the entire pile. I told Ali, "What a bummer if she had her hand on YOUR entry, huh?!" She replied, "Yeah...it could have been YOURS!" I quipped, "Well, at least I would never know."
There was this strange slow motion feeling as Kari read my name...as she sorta stumbled over my hometown...and I saw the look on Carolyn's sweet face. I heard none of the tape after that....because - YES - you really cannot help but scream & cry & shake & laugh all at the same time....you even put your hands out in front of you, then bury your face in your hands in disbelief. Yup - I was totally lookin' like a nutty contestant on the Price Is Right! Glad Bob Barker and his camera crew were NOT there to witness it.
Someone listened to a dream God gave them and made this happen. Someone listened to God's prompting and added a 3rd person. These people and their incredible acts of faith have blessed me and will impact my life in ways I am sure I cannot begin to imagine. I take this sacrificial blessing very seriously. I am humbled and determined to yield myself to be used by God in amazing ways!
Oh...by the way....I did cry my eyes out in the shower because:
I
Simply
Could
NOT
Fully
Grasp
That
God
Had
Just
Hand
Picked
....ME!
During the time leading up to the drawing, Kari kept confidently claiming that God had already CHOSEN who would go...and He had it all planned out...and there was an amazing reason why He had CHOSEN these specific people. That really struck me. And it really rocks my mind even moreso NOW. "CHOSEN?!" Wow, this is even better than being Charlie Bucket!

Here is an excerpt from an email to Kari. (You would not believe the flurry of emails and FB communications since that announcement - crazy fun!) I really feel like God is bringing me back around after walking through some tough stuff. He is faithful!

Oh, my goodness….where to start? This is SUCH a celebration in a long journey of God changing me and refining me and getting me to surrender to Him. I am so at peace with the craziness we are considering as a family right now. Carolyn knows our story. Adoption, disruption, a constant & confusing tug on my heart to go back….riddled with closed doors. We surrendered the dirt of our lives to God and He has been faithful to plant beautiful perennials there….they just keep blooming and they come back bigger, stronger and more gorgeous each time. YOU have blessed me by YOUR faithfulness. I am so inspired.humbled.in.awe! There is no where I want to be except smack dab in the middle of God’s out of this world plan for my life! (Lori 11/2)

Go For It!

2010-11-08T11:10:00.002-06:00

I believe that, when God Himself wants you to DO SOMETHING, He opens doors to make it happen. All He needs from YOU is a yielded heart. I want to encourage you to make yourself available to go just about anywhere (well, among 13 countries, for now) for/with Him by joining Visiting Orphans on a missions trip. Below is general - amazing - information about Visiting Orphans. RIGHT NOW, Kari Gibson and Visiting Orphans are working together to GIVE AWAY a free trip to any of the 13 countries. Can you imagine what it would be like to hear YOUR name called out as the winner?! I CAN! It's simply amazing and you might just cry and scream like a crazy game show contestant. Click over to http://www.mycrazyadoption.com/, enter to win a free t-shirt, get your name in the Trip Giveaway (Nov. 11th - right around the corner!) and see if God has chosen to ROCK YOUR WORLD!

Visiting Orphans is a registered 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Established in 2005 by America World Adoption Association as a way to further help the orphans of the world. Visiting Orphans works to fulfill the biblical mandate given in James 1:27 of "visiting orphans" in their distress.

Visiting Orphans has conducted many missions trips for churches, schools, and individuals from around the United States to orphanages around the world including China, Ethiopia, Rwanda, Uganda, Ghana, Ecuador, Peru, Haiti, El Salvador, Honduras, Russia and Costa Rica.

Looking ahead, VO's plan of action is to begin mobilizing and working more directly with churches in the United States. While we will still work with individuals and schools in order to bring people to orphans and expose them to the hardships they face, partnerships with churches will drive our expansion and positive impact on orphaned children around the world.

Our Mission: Visiting Orphans works with Christian churches to help raise orphan awareness in the hopes of each orphan experiencing the blessing of family through:

1. Reunification

2. Transitional Services

3. Adoption

If you are part of a church looking to start or expand your orphan ministry we would love to assist you!

Don't Lose Your Peace Of Mind

2010-11-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

Word For Today with Bob Gass
You will keep him in perfect peace...Isaiah 26:3 NKJV

We lose our peace of mind for four reasons:

1) We try to change the people in our lives. As you grow wiser you begin to realise that you can't change other people, only God can! And He does, when you back off, and love them as they are. This doesn't mean agreeing with everything they do. It means committing to love them regardless, claiming God's promises on their behalf and allowing Him to deal with them His way, in His time and for His glory. The reason you're stressed out may be because you keep trying to do something-about something you can't do anything about!
2) We try to make things happen when it's not the right time. 'There is a time for everything... ' (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV). If you've raised children you know that one of their chief characteristics is impatience; they can't wait for anything. God wants us to outgrow our childishness so He makes us wait, trust, and mature!
3) We get upset because we're not progressing fast enough. You can slow down your spiritual growth through neglect, but ultimately, '... We all... are being changed... [by] the Spirit' (2 Corinthians 3:18 NCV). So learn to enjoy your life while God works on your problems, for you'll always have problems!
4) We push ourselves harder and harder. We do what we think God wants without consulting Him as to what He actually wants, when He wants it, or how He wants it done. As a result we wear ourselves out.

What's the solution? 'You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is [focused] on You, because he trusts in You.'

Golden Promises

2010-11-04T03:12:00.000-05:00

"...the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Praise the name of the Lord."

Job 1:21b

The Lord gave us three healthy children. Then He saw fit to bless us with yet another baby...a baby who would be our last child. But our plan was so small compared to His. The Lord took that baby when he was fully formed and amazingly beautiful...but not able to live apart from his physical bond to me. We were heartbroken, but strangely at peace. We were able to surrender our pain to Him and claim His promises to use it all for His glory - and INDEED He did! Over & over again!
A wonderful and loving friend of mine special ordered this tiny gold ring as a reminder of our baby boy...a miracle in our hearts and our treasure up in heaven. She even hung it on a lovely gold chain for me.

Not long afterward, God was faithful to fill the void in my mommy heart with a beautiful, healthy baby girl! She came into this world as a big 9 lb. 8 oz. promise that God still cared about my motherly desires...even when so many people said, "Stop while you are ahead...you have three healthy children."

Still..knowing we had lost a baby boy left a longing within me. A desire to have one more boy...

My fifth child was a delightful surprise! He was four months along before we knew he was on his way. I held my breath at the ultrasound (performed only one week after we discovered I was pregnant), feeling slightly guilty about hoping for a healthy baby BOY, and not just a healthy baby. When the doctor announced his gender, I was overwhelmed. I felt so loved and so blessed that God gave me even more than I dared hope for out loud. He knows the desires of our hearts and He really cares.

If I had not lost that precious baby boy - if I have not surrendered my pain and let Him move my life forward in a beautiful, amazing way - I would not have these two incredible kids!

I have often wondered if God laughs - at least a little - when we start making plans and acting like we have any real control. I believe He planted a seed in my heart for children who would not grow beneath my heart when I was longing for another baby boy. I dismissed this crazy idea of adoption - especially international adoption - because it was crazy expensive. People with five bio kids don't ADOPT!?!

Less than 3 years after our "last" child was born, we found ourselves on the journey to adopt two little ones from Ethiopia. Nothing made sense and we made some huge mistakes along the way....but nothing was outside His control...I believe it was all part of His refining plan for us.

In the airport before boarding our international flight, my husband purchased these 24K gold starfish earrings for me. There is a story about many starfish washed up on a beach after a storm...and a young man tossing them in one at a time. He is questioned about how he can possibly think he can make a difference when there are THOUSANDS stranded. He replies that he will make a huge difference to each one he does help. To me, those earrings represented the two little people we were going to meet, two little ones whose lives we hoped to change dramatically.

God gave them to us for a brief period of time...and He showed us that our part in His plan for THEIR lives was completely different than we had imagined. Through an amazing and heartwrenching journey of surrender, we realized that the woman who took them their very first gifts from America would - along with her Godly husband and wonderful children - be their forever family. (She is in the photo! God is so cool!) We surrendered this experience and all it's pain to Him to use for HIS glory...and, guess what? Yes! Of course - He has! And he continues to do so.

There was still a strong desire in my heart to adopt a child..or children. After some time, I started out cautiously on the road to discover whether or not anyone would allow us to adopt again. This is an ugly road riddled with too many mean, insenstive people. The few kind people who offered hope were like air bubbles to me when I felt like I was literally drowning in very personal criticism. We fostered for awhile...but only little guys we knew were going back to their moms. It allowed us to "test" our family...to see if we were ready to open our hearts again. I even prayed that - if it was not God's plan for us to add any children to our family - He would divinely and completely remove my desire. He did not.

On a particularly frustrating day - Nov. 2, 2009 - I sent a one word email to my husband. It said: "DONE!" I was done trying to figure out a way. I was done inquiring and being ridiculed. I was done banging my head - and my heart - against the closed doors of adoption.

Less than one hour later, my phone rang and a familiar voice was asking me if I was willing to take in a baby who might be available for adoption...and how soon could I leave. Within the next hour, I was walking into a hospital room being handed a precious, beautiful, brown baby boy with gobs of gorgeous, loopy, dark curls all over his head. (Did I mention that I have secretly always wanted a boy with curly brown hair? I swear...HE KNOWS!)

When I think back on my one word email, I have to believe that God was just waiting for me to surrender...to let Him know that I was DONE trying to do it my way. He was patiently waiting to bless my socks off! Here is the angel baby I picked up just over a year ago....and the froggy boy is a little man we are holding onto loosely...waiting to see if God wants Him to stay with us forever. Remember....He knows the desires of our hearts.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...and the Lord GIVES you so much more than you could ever hope for!

Why Ethiopia?

2010-10-19T09:56:00.003-05:00

I have to answer the question of WHY I would want to go {back} to Ethiopia. How do you put into words what is an unexplainable tug on your heart - or - "from" your heart?

Is it those eyes? All those sweet, sweet children who exude joy in the midst of so little. Or so much?

I have always been an adventurous soul...wanting to know what was over the next hill or around the next corner. I want to see so much of what I have yet to see. When we landed in Addis over 3 years ago, I was brimming with excitement in a land of suffering and desolation...wanting to breathe in what was so, so foreign to me...all the while KNOWING I would never experience it authentically....not from my position of privilege and undeserved blessings.

One of my absolute favorite experiences was our trip to the HIV+ orphanage. I went with people who were not sure if they should touch the children - but - God gave me this sense of ignorance and peace and genuine desire to reach out to them right away....to sit down on the cool tile floor, let them climb all over me, kiss their foreheads and help them unwrap their daily vitamin supplements. Their sparkling eyes and brilliant smiles...without a single word crossing their lips...beckoned me irresistibly to engage them, to playfully tease them and elicit precious giggles. I did not want to leave and from that moment on, I have desired to return. I would have scooped them all up and held them forever if it were humanly possible.

How can a person from such a comfortable existence so strongly desire to return to a land of so little, a land of suffering and unanswered questions that plague the heart? Maybe I will ask God when I get to heaven....but I think I will know full well, once I get there.

Please consider checking out http://www.mycrazyadoption.org/. Kari's blog is inspiring!

Pictures from My Porch!

2010-10-15T00:04:00.001-05:00

This is one of my absolute favorite places...MY PORCH! I love it in the early morning...when no one else (well, maybe Pete...who is usually already up & GONE!) is up...and I can steal a few moments to read and sip coffee. It faces due east so - if I am not up late like I am right now - I can occasionally catch the sunrise!

I love it when it is like Grand Central Station with kids everywhere you look. I have an aunt & uncle who never had kids and they act like they like it that way....I think they are SO missing out! There is a unequalled pleasure in seeing my children run and play and laugh and jump in the leaves. My porch is "base" for the dart gun wars or exhaustive games of TAG.

I have collected a menagerie of mismatched furniture and decorations...and they are delightful! There is usually an uncurled black hose to greet you on the way to my front door. It really does not bother me. It's just part of the perennial garden I love so much. Plus, if it were neatly curled up and put away each day, it would be SO out of place in MY world!

Swallowed in a Sea of Need & Pulled from the Side by This World?!

2010-10-11T21:25:00.001-05:00

I follow a few blogs and MOST of them have to do with orphans and adoption. I am so immersed in the need that I can no longer imagine what it is like to live the suburban American life and not think about this global atrocity...much less ACT to change it. I am livin' it 24/7 and I must admit...there are brief moments of time when I think, "What the heck am I doing?!"
I am 44 years old...and I have 7 kids who range in age from 20 down to almost 1. If I did not have "other people's kids," this would be the very first year all my biological kids would be in school all day. Isn't that supposed to be the mom equivalent of FREEDOM? Like serving your sentence and finally being released? Or...maybe it's an "opportunity" to return to that overrated work world...to stand up and shed my Mom attire...if only for a few hours each day. To have lunch hours and commutes and a schedule with meetings and phone calls that have nothing to do with children...
I did the math the other day. If this youngest angel stays, I will be almost 88 years old when he is MY age. NO more math!
I look at other families with 2.2 children and sometimes I wonder WHY my heart was not content there. A house, cars, vacations....a life in sight that does not have handprints all over every surface, sticky floors, bats & balls all over the yard or laundry that can literally be scaled by mountain goats. Not doubling (tripling?) recipes? Not shopping in bulk? No refereeing squabbles? Not figuring out how to explain the subtle nuances that make up a child who SEES color - but embraces and celebrates it!?

Then I have a glass of wine, sit back and get all choked up thinking how blessed I am that I have kids who love each other, love others and mess up my life with laughter! They change diapers, they wrestle, they argue, they play....they learn the value of human life...EVERY human life. They learn to live for more than themselves. There is no car manufactured or vacation place on the face of this earth I would trade for any of THAT!

Dude....maybe NOT!

2010-10-05T09:24:00.000-05:00

Me: Brogan, do your friends call you, "Dude?"
Brogan: Yea...but I don't like it...so they don't anymore.
Me: Why do you not like it?
Brogan: Because that is not how I talk. I don't call anyone, "Dude."
Me: Do you think it's a bad word?
Brogan: No...I just don't talk like that. Jack always wants to call me dude, but I tell him I am not a dude.
Me: Does he still call you that?
Brogan: No...but he has a Dude Club.
Me: A dude club?
Brogan: Yea...everyone in the club calls each other dude.
Me: Do you want to be in Jack's club?
Brogan: Uh, no. I told you - I am not a dude.
Me: So, does that mean you are not friends with all the dude club guys?
Brogan: No...they like me too much. It's okay if I am not a dude.

Gotta love the THIS.IS.WHO.I.AM attitude!

Wow...a lot has happened!

2010-10-05T00:10:00.001-05:00

I love summer and I love the busyness of it that sharply contrasts with the oh.so.laid.back.nothing.to.do days. Obviously, this blog has not been a priority. However, we have a Mac desktop that I have resisted learning to use. Now that it has been moved to a room I actually LIKE to be in, I will go for it. So far, so good. (I suppose I am dating myself....because, if I were YOUNGER, I would have grown up on Apple Mac computers in school - right?!)
My last post was on the day we went to court and the state of IL took temporary custody of our lil man. Things did not get better for his mom after that and she got herself in situations that prevented her from seeing him on a regular basis. We kept in touch and I sent her pictures. She saw him on July 28 and then not again until just last Friday, October 1. He has changed SO much! He is funny, he is crawling - FAST - furniture walking, fake laughing, eating lots of solid foods and TEASING the 2 year old who is living with us now.
Oh, wait! That is a whole new world since the last post.
We have THE most amazing and adorable little 2 year old ATHLETE at our house now. He has been in Safe Families off and on since he was an itty bitty baby. Mom moves him in and out of the program and - when he comes back - the previous families are not always able to take him again. I have known him for some time since I drove him in the van full of kids down to Chicago to see their bio parents every Thursday. His mom would often miss her visits, so I got to hang out with him. He is yummy! When he needed yet another home, I scooped him up. (My case coach KNEW I loved him already.) He has been with us since August 31 and he fit in perfectly right away. My mom heart wants to keep him forever! My Father in heaven will have to decide if that is the plan for him, tho. And - if not - I will trust Him to heal my heart....
We did have another lil guy for about 2 weeks. My coach could not find a home for him. The placement was supposed to be for the remainder of the summer. She said he was 6 months at the time that H was 8 months....so I thought, "oh...I can do that...he will be smaller and less mobile than H" - who was not even crawling at the time. She said: "It will be like TWINS! It will be fun." LIES! They WERE indeed like twins - in fact, the newbie was 8 days YOUNGER than H....but POUNDS heavier and movin'! He was crawling and furniture walking and getting into everything. He was a sweet lil giant, tho. I was not sad when his mom was able to take him back early....she loved him and it was obvious. I am not sure I would have remembered the rest of the summer if he had stayed. *wink*

As a family, we took a road trip to New Hampshire for two weeks in August. It was nice...and, as usual, went by FAST! We were able to make it to the beach in Maine twice and took fabulous pictures. We had a lot of fun just hanging out with my big extended family. Our little bear was a great traveler. It helped that we did it in 2 days each way, stayed in nice hotels with swimming pools and stopped on the way there at the American Niagara Falls. Another story worthy of it's own paragraph!
Pete and I have our passports and I have certified birth certificates for all the bio kids - but - since Ali is an ADULT now (wince), she would have to have a passport or an "enhanced driver's license." She has neither and we do not have a certified copy of little bear's birth certificate. This meant we could not even consider crossing over into Canada....not to mention, as a DCFS kid now, H is really not supposed to leave the country with us without advanced permission from the higher-ups in Illinois' DCFS. (Picturing the firing squad we could have gotten ourselves in front of had we tried! Oh my!) So....we decided to make the best of it and check out the American Falls in Niagara, NY.
TIME OUT! I simply MUST stop here to say:
I HATE......really, really, really HATE to the core of my being....being SO sickeningly close to those insane falls with my children....much less anyone else's children.
It is amazing and awe inspiring...and it freaks me out. I am not going into detail because it makes me nauseous. I will simply say you can get way too scary, stupid close to the river AND the falls.
We had a good time and have breathtaking pictures. Been there, done that...fine if I never ever go back. Not good for my WILD imagination. I had nightmares about one particular child. Gee, think it could have been the one who had recently asked me, "Mom - why do you always think the things I do - and WANT to do - are dangerous?!" E-gad!

Baseball games, cookouts, camping, bike riding, teeth falling out (not knocked out!), tears worthlessly shed over a boyfriend, starry eyes over the next guy, fishing trips, lazy evenings on the beach at the lake, impromptu trips for ice cream, sleeping in, running barefoot in the grass, a whole weekend of birthday parties at our house (with a Safe Family placement of 4 kids!), fireworks, trips to the zoo, tag, and late evening sunsets. I do love summer.
So, fall....what HAVE you in store for us? (It's spring and summer I am REALLY curious about, tho!)

Court....from 9 am til 6 pm?!

2010-06-29T10:53:00.000-05:00

Okay...I thought leaving my house at 9 am to make it in time for an 11 am juvenile court hearing would be HALF my day...or even 3/4s. HA! I did not get home til 6 pm. And what do I have now? A sweet boy who is staying in our home as a ward of the state - AND - a fistful of court appointments. Paternity, mediation, home visits from agencies and a guardian ad litem, and more court hearings. Not to mention the almost hourly calls from a confused and frustrated bio mom. However - he IS worth it.

Needless to say, I did not make the second book study meeting at Panera. I am thinking an every other week on Mondays might work out better....for all THREE of us.

The Too-Busy Book: CHAPTERS 1 & 2

2010-06-14T22:50:00.002-05:00

Skip the Acknowledgements if you like - but - don't skip the Intro...I like it!

Chapter 1: Amazed by Love

In what specific ways is my life busy right now? In what ways is my life fruitful?
Am I too busy? Why have I answered with yes, or why have I answered with no?
In what specific ways might I become less busy and more fruitful?
Where and when in the past might God have "interfered" in love? How did I respond?

Journal starters...

When I consider the ways I hold God's love at arm's length and try to earn it by performing, I feel...
The thought that God loves me enough to allow pain when He deems it necessary for my development makes me feel...
When I think about some of the steps I might take to become less busy and more fruitful, I feel...

Chapter 2: Daily Bread

Do my time choices feel like a curse or a blessing?
Do I have an hour or more each day to do whatever I want to, or is my life choked with obligations?
In what ways do I routinely violate my God-ordained physical and mental boundaries? Do I, for example, not get enough sleep, eat too much food, expose myself to too much stimulation, or refuse myself the necessary downtime?
What makes it hard for me to trust God to meet all my needs?

Journal starters...

When I think about God as Provider in my life, I feel...
When I compare the amount of my work time to my downtime, I feel...
When I think about working "rationally and reasonably," I feel...

*HOPING TO READ SOME THOUGHT-PROVOKING and/or ENLIGHTENING COMMENTS!

UPDATE! Two delightful ladies met with me at Panera and it was a blissful two hours of comfortable conversation.

First Book Study!

2010-06-14T22:27:00.000-05:00

Ready ladies?! Oh....I AM!

Plan to meet at the Panera Bread closest to ME

(email offerhope@gmail.com for the location if you do not already know it)

on Monday, June 21st from 7 to 9. (I think the close at 9 pm.)

I will bring my daughter's little laptop so we can check out any comments left on that week's post.

Speaking of which...please read Chapters 1 and 2 before we meet so we can talk about it. I know there are questions at the end of each chapter. We can discuss those and just let our conversations be led where God desires. (Which - of course - we will have to resist the natural desire to dabble in idle chatter the WHOLE time....grin!)

Book(s) Study...

2010-05-30T22:23:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those times in your life when it feels like God has literally thrown you a lifeline? That's how I felt about the "The Too-Busy Book" by Linda Andersen. I felt like my life was pretty much out of control...so far from what I had always considered "normal." I desperately wanted to slam the breaks on and get back on a safer course that felt more like ME.

Linda Andersen writes like a someone who really loves and cares for her readers. It took a bout with cancer to slow her down, to get her attention, to get her to apply the breaks, to get her back in focus...to draw her back to a God who loved her desperately. If you have never been in such a place in your life...GOOD FOR YOU! But...if you HAVE, I know you will understand when I say there are some situations in life that you would not "CHOOSE," but - after going through them - you would not trade them...because what you have gained is PRICELESS! You cannot put a price on gaining a renewed focus on life and what really matters. Realizing that the God of the universe wants you
to slow down and connect with Him - even if that means drastic changes have to take place - is mind boggling!

I love The Too-Busy Book! It is conveniently written in 30 chapters...perfect to read and reread in a month...or month after month. I have also purchased Linda's other book, "Interludes." I have only scanned it - but - I believe it is practical wisdom about how to draw closer to God...how to spend more and more quality time with a Fathenr who delights in YOU!

I am hoping to gather a friend or two to read through, discuss and apply the principles of these books to our lives. Hmmm...maybe Monday nights for about
an hour and a half...at a local coffee shop...no kids....no clutter. I even thought people who live too far away could join in by reading the book and commenting on posts on a blog that are dedicated to each individual chapter...maybe just THIS blog. I will have to see if I can drum up some interest.

Time to Plan a TEA PARTY!

2010-05-24T16:58:00.001-05:00

The challenge on deck right now is to plan and pull off a fancy lil tea party birthday celebration for our 7 year old whose ACTUAL birthday was in February. Who wants to have a party in the dreary late days of winter? (My excuse to put it off...more likely!)

I have perused the internet and come up with some fun ideas. Fynn has written and re-written her guest list...leaving it around the house in strategic locations. I am grateful for her patient spirit!

I am envisioning a lacey table with silly frilly decorations and treats worthy of any little girl in dress up clothes. There is a nutty balance to doing what is WORTH the cost and effort and OVERdoing it on things that the kids could care less about. Not sure how many years you have to throw these little soirees before you acquire the subtle nuance of getting it just right. Or...does it ever really matter?

The most amusing part to me is that our other young daughter - who is 11 -wants nothing to do with a "girlie" party of any sort....show a movie on the garage door with the projector, have snacks and a few loosely planned games and she is content!

I love this butterfly cake...and I love that it looks easy since it is made with cupcakes...and I love that I have kids who are similar (all pretty easy going), but so vastly different.

Shortsighted?

2010-05-19T21:46:00.001-05:00

I know I am NEARsighted...but...I think I am SHORTsighted, too.

I have been hearing people comment on the plight of others lately who are going through hard times. A theme I am noticing is a call for Jesus to return quickly. I guess I don't think of this. I am more accustomed to think that God can and will use this tough stuff. I have seen Him redeem some messy stuff and it is such a faith builder. I am hoping and praying in this regard for these suffering families. My heart is pulled toward the belief that God can use the hard situations to reach those who do not know Him....people who stand in awe as they watch His children weather the storms under the umbrella of His love and protection...even if they get soaking wet in the process.

I do not mean to make light of anything anyone is going through. I just hope we are not quick to push it all aside as we express an insatiable desire to be done with this sinful world...that simply makes NO sense so often.

God is sovereign. Easy to say - (not easy to type...weird word..."sovereign") - but hard to fully embrace.

Lord, please grant an overwhelming sense of peace to those who are suffering and struggling tonight. Give them clear understanding that you have a plan and make known any details that will allow them to walk into a place of comfort. Let us strongly desire your presence...even more than we desire to be rid of the pains of this world.

Cry of the Orphan Prayer Vigil

2010-05-10T22:36:00.004-05:00

This is an amazing call to prayer! Click on the Prayer Vigil tab for more information and to find an event near you.

http://www.cryoftheorphan.org/

The website is a WEALTH of information about orphans - both international and domestic - and what YOU can do to make a difference. The stats alone should move you to ACT....read and re-read them...let them sink in...and PRAY! I sincerely believe God has a plan and a purpose for each and every one of us when it comes to caring for His children...the least of these...the vulnerable children who are near and dear to His heart. (Which means they outta matter to US, too!)

What should our message be?

"Your life matters! There is no one else on earth just like you. You were made in God’s image, created on purpose and for a purpose. Your worth has been given to you by your Heavenly Father, and no one can change your value in His eyes. There is a plan, a future, and a hope in store for you. We can say this confidently because the Bible tells us in Jeremiah 31:3, “You are loved with an everlasting love.” God cares about you, and His thoughts toward you are of mercy and tenderness. We care about you, too."

(from Cry of the Orphan website)

May our ACTIONS speak loudly in response to what God will be faithful to place upon our open hearts!

Follow Your Heart

2010-05-10T22:28:00.000-05:00

Follow your heart...but only if you are allowing God to lead it!

I think I have always had a heart for adoption and I don't think I would ever have said "No" to the idea. In fact, I loved the thought of adopting even before Pete and I met and married. Add to that the fact that Pete really has a heart for kids who need someone to love them. It was amazing to meet a guy from the deep south who had several close family members who are racially prejudice in a huge way...and he himself loves kids no matter WHAT color they are!
There was a time, however, when I would have told you that my heart was with international children in need of a mom and dad. I will always have an open heart to what God wants to do with our family....but....the romance of international adoption that I thought could and would never be replaced by anything domestic has moved into a "storage area" of my heart. I would not have believed God would take me through our mistakes and dark times in order to bring us out on the other side...the side that is EXCITED about kids right here!
We will be attending a prayer vigil this Sunday as part of a national campaign to be a voice for foster kids across this country. I am JAZZED!
I have a little boy in my home right now who came after I typed the word "DONE!" in desperate surrender. How could God be putting such a strong desire in my heart to parent a fatherless child if all the doors were closing...and hard?! A little over an hour later I was holding a brown angel baby...perfect in every way...a gift from God....regardless of how long that might be.
Foster care and adoption is tough stuff and there are unknowns. BUT...it does not require us to hang on a cross or watch our only child go to the depths of hell...AND there is One who is in control of all the unknowns and we can trust him to lead us through it and protect our hearts in the process.
So many people tell me they could never foster or adopt because of the potential pain of a failed adoption or the heartache of having to hand a child back. There are no guarantees...except the guarantee that children without loving families will suffer lonliness and pain. Worth the risk? I think so. How can I sit in a place of safety, security, love and provision and say I will not share it....because I might get my feelings hurt?
Praying for changed hearts this week....on behalf of the children!

Blessed with Provisions & Opportunities

2010-05-10T10:36:00.002-05:00

Today is a Monday FILLED with a renewed appreciation for the many, many, many opportunities God had blessed us with...along with the abundance of provisions He has seen fit to send our way.

In a sagging economy (that, in itself, being ridiculously relative...from a global perspective!), we have two jobs close to home that allow us to earn generous salaries while we work around each other's schedules to avoid the need for childcare.

Pete's employer provides incredible health and dental insurance at a very nominal cost to us. We are able to choose our own doctors and hospitals and we do not have to get a referral to see a specialist. The Flex Spending plan made available to us takes the stress out of paying OUR portion of the medical expenses. Whew!

We have been provided with a HUGE home for a rental price below market value. Our landlord was willing to give us a 3 year lease...enabling us to stay put until our son graduates high school next year. This neighborhood is like an oasis compared to where we recently resided. The house has very few "issues," the yard is not large - but ample (with a sledding hill in the winter), the neighbors are great, the elementary school is a hop, skip & a jump from us IN the subdivision, the teachers ROCK, and we are conveniently located to just about everything. It is pretty "comfortable" living here and I have to admit I believe it is God's way of providing rest after a rough patch in our lives.

We are trying to have no more than one car loan at a time. We made the decision to "off-load" the third vehicle...even though we have three drivers in the family right now. It has been surprisingly easy to juggle the schedules. With the blessing of our places of employment so close to home, along with our college student attending the oh-so-affordable community college right here in town, we are making it work! God recently blessed us with the discovery of a mechanic who is willing and able to repair our loan-free car for considerably less than we thought...in an attempt to make it last until the other (more reliable!) vehicle is paid off. Cars: Necessary EVILS!

With some disturbing revelations at one place of employment and the nagging sense of conscience that is prompting a change....God has yet again provided an amazing opportunity! Isn't it funny how - right when you think you have something really good - He shows you something even better? As we were scrambling and thinking we needed to make some hard decisions and difficult adjustments...God seems to be showing us a better path...one that far exceeds our hopes! I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to go through life with the flawed belief that we are on our own with no direction from Someone so much bigger than us!

These are my ramblings...and they are absolutely incomplete. We have so much MORE to be thankful for...

Thoughts about Mother's Day

2010-05-07T10:28:00.000-05:00

I must be getting OLD. Mother's Day brings up thoughts much deeper than flowers and chocolates and Sunday Brunch. (Although...I would LOVE to be going to Sunday Brunch in Manchester with my mom again this year!)

My mom is so absolutely WONDERFUL! I think the world of her. She is the kind of person everyone wants to be around all the time. As a family, I think I can safely say, our world revolved around Mom....and for some, it still does to an extent! I think it speaks volumes about my mom that I still feel incredibly close to her even though we have lived 1,000 miles apart for almost 14 years now. (When I left, it was supposed to be for 2 years - ugh!) I would love to be back so much closer to my mom...to my whole family. Something to keep praying about!

As a kid, I just kinda assumed all moms were wonderful and loving and full of life. I slowly realized this was not true for all kids...and that is really sad. I also thought my mom was near perfect and I slowly realized that was not true....but it only endeared her to me even more. As a mom now myself, I am SO GLAD she was not perfect!!! I have to wonder if she felt like an inadequate mom? If she did, I never knew it. I take consolation in the fact that she probably DID feel that way at times - she probably felt overwhelmed with 5 kids - and she was still a FANTASTIC, out-of-this-world, amazingly loving mom!

I suspect "Mother" is the hardest job God created. It is very task-oriented AND heart-consuming. It is 24/7 from Day One until the day you die. But...it simply MUST be the most rewarding, too.

This Mother's Day, I want to examine my heart to see if I am honoring God in the way I am mothering the children He has generously blessed me with - AND - ponder whether or not He is really and truly drawing me toward mothering certain children who have not come into this world through me. Big thoughts!

On a lighter note, I found a perfect gift idea for MY mom this year that I am hoping to throw together and mail TODAY! (I know it will be late....but....) My mom gave me her set of china...the stuff she got when they got married back in 1962. Some of it is chipped or broken, but much of it is still intact. I use it on occasion, but it is rather delicate. The craft idea I am so jazzed about is: Teacup Bird Bath/Feeders! All you have to do is attach the cup to the saucer with waterproof adhesive and attach a copper cap to the bottom of the saucer. The cap should slip easily over a copper pipe inserted into the ground. Can't wait to try it! I will send it with a little sachet of bird food - just because! Maybe I will make one or two for my OWN bohemian perennial garden....

Sure glad "PERFECTION" is not a prerequisite!

2010-05-06T00:33:00.001-05:00

So funny....makes me laugh every time. The faces are priceless...along with the lack of verbal reponse!

I love the way they think!

2010-05-06T00:28:00.002-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I have randomly asked my kids if I can keep them FOREVER! The answers range from an emphatic, "Yes, of course!" to a sweet, sweet smile with no words at all.
Well, just the other day, Brogan woke up later than usual. The other kids had already left for school. He grabbed a muffin and curled up next to me on the love seat. After asking that favorite silly question above, I asked him if he was going to forget about me once he was all grown up and married with kids of his own. Between bites, he confidently said, "No."
My next question was worthy of scrapbooking....

ME: "Brogan, when I am the Grandma, can I buy your kids stuff?"

BROGAN: "No......but you can BORROW it."

PRICELESS! Oh, the difference an apostrophe can make.
I sure do love that kid...and the way God wired his brain!

2 Celebrate U!

2010-04-26T17:35:00.001-05:00

Well, as mentioned in an earlier post...here it is! I have switched over to a "reusable" Happy Birthday banner that I can personalize on that special day with interchangeable letters for each person's name. Everyone seems to love it and I hung it this morning for the little girl who comes over in the morning to catch the bus from our house. I think she was quite pleased!

Late last night - as I was finishing - my oldest asked if I had remembered to include the letters of her current boyfriend's name (not his CURRENT NAME)...and I had to think fast to see if - HOPEFULLY - all the letters of HIS name were duplicates of a combination of ours. Does that even make sense? Well - whew! YES - why, of course...I have included him. >wink<

The pennant streamers were the MOST fun! I now know some fun tricks to make my own bias tape and - WOW - you get a heck of a lot of bias outta one 36 inch square of fabric!! I also plan to alter my own original plan (of course - duh!) by adding funky fringe to the bottom of the main banner...which I purposely did not hem in the wee hours this morning. Add some more color! Why not, right? I have to go out and get a dowel to hang it, too!

The mother of the child I watch in the afternoon...who is the mother of the bus girl in the morning...said she would pay me to make one for her - AND - she told a friend about it. That friend said she would buy one also...and she has not even SEEN it yet. Hmmm....I will have to think about whether this could be a worthwhile endeavor. Farmer's Market?

Changing the Recipe?

2010-04-25T22:37:00.001-05:00

My mom likes to tease that I always have to change the recipe. I think that goes beyond just cooking for me. I do that with actual recipes, sewing patterns/instructions...and life in general. (Photo here of a doorway puppet theater. Of course, I made... er ... um ... "alterations!")

Is it arrogance? Or the illusion that I can improve on the plan, that I have an even better idea? Naw.

Is it a desire to be just a little bit different from what I have discovered? Hmmm? Maybe.

Is it a challenge to make it "my own?" Possibly. But the funny thing about THAT is that I cannot always duplicate it. Maybe it's a good thing...makes it an "original!?"

Most people I knew when we were first having kids had only two children...especially if they were (what they considered) "blessed" to have one of each right off the bat.

Most people I know do not have children spaced so far apart. But I can tell you that those same people are very often envious of my built-in FREE babysitters!

Most people don't rearrange rooms as often as I do...and they sure don't have the itch to actually move - yes, like to a different house/location - like I do. I keep sayin' that if I could just land in a nice cozy cottage within walking distance to the beach, I would be cured of this moving disease. (Anyone wanna offer a CURE?!)

Most people I know don't bring other people's kids into their homes - children of total strangers - to stay for an undetermined amount of time. Most people I know won't risk letting those same children into their hearts...'cause they might have to let them go. Maybe I just believe the children in my heart - whether I call them "mine" or not - are only on loan to me anyway...and I try real hard to trust the One who has loaned 'em to me!

What Every Family Really Needs to be Really Strong...

2010-04-16T12:09:00.001-05:00

My heart...AND MY MOUTH...really needed to hear this today. On my knees asking God to take & tame my tongue...while He fills my heart full of the same grace He so freely offers me...that totally undeserved and unearned GRACE! Please take time to click over and read this...

What%20Every%20Family%20Really%20Needs%20to%20be%20Really%20Strong...

The Everlasting BIRTHDAY Banner

2010-04-13T00:14:00.001-05:00

Not sure how long I have done this...hmmm...it started when we lived on the lake...I know it was for Kane, originally and he was pretty little...maybe 7 or 8? I was feeling bad that we were not going to be able to do anything real special on his ACTUAL birthday...since it was on a busy day in the middle of the week. Gosh, I am now wondering if Pete was even in town that week? Anyway, I created a BIG sign for him that said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KANE! (It did say the year...but I cannot remember...7th, I think.) I hung it on the garage door...IN THE RAIN! It was SO much fun because we lived on a fairly busy street...so kids on the bus saw it as well as other friends and neighbors. Needless to say, Kane got LOTS of birthday wishes that year.

Well, from that day forward, it has been a tradition in our family. If you do not wake up to a sign...there will surely be one on the front of the house - somewhere - when you get home. I HAVE had to resort to hanging the giant signs INside for the kids whose birthdays are in the winter when it is nasty outside....or for the springtime babies whose birthdays battle bouts of insane Chicago WIND.

Now that I think of it...we even had birth announcement signs for the younger kids. I can distinctly remember the one I made ahead of time for Tatum or Fynley. We did not know if they were girls or boys, so there were multiple choice CHECK boxes for Pete and the kids to mark once I gave birth...along with a blank line for them to write the chosen NAME and actual birthweight of our new arrival. (Yes...we are goofy like that.) I know I have made at least one sign for a little girl I watch after school...and there simply MUST be a cousin on uncle in there somewhere who received this special Smith family honor.

Now I am turning a corner...and I will have to see if it is a HIT or if my children are heartbroken by it. I went to the store today to purchase fabric to create a more permanent Happy Birthday sign. It was so much fun to pick out all the crazy fabrics and I plan to use the scraps for a flappy banner of triangles in all the groovy prints I purchased. I am hoping it will be a classy replacement for the butcher paper and crayon creations I scrambled to hang on each child's special day. I am still working out the details of how I will attach the birthday person's NAME to the sign when it is their turn to celebrate? My mom would smile and shake her head and say something about me never conforming to a pattern or a recipe....but always striking out on my own to MAKE it "my own!" Gee, Mom....who raised me that way?!

Hope to post fabulous photos of a lovely birthday banner here real soon....

As for TOMORROW...Tatum's 11th birthday? Ummm...glad I still have enough left on the butcher paper role...and I will forever have crayons in my house! Whew! I have photos to post THIS week of the sign we made for our wonderful "new" son, Hayley. Welcome to the crazy family, sweetheart!

My Kid is on Facebook!

2010-04-10T10:23:00.000-05:00

Funny how little things can thrill your soul. My son is now on Facebook. This is not your average teenage son...this is my son all the way over in Ethiopia. Who knew you could be so incredibly blessed by social networking. I am now hoping to get the chance to chat with him online. So far, it has only been emails back and forth. His birthday is April 14th...and I am hoping to put fun messages and pictures on his page for his birthday!

Oh, MOTHER GUILT...what would I do without you?!

2010-04-07T17:16:00.003-05:00

This post is being prompted by a trip to the dentist with 2 out of 5 children ... BUT, it was most probably the proverbial stick that broke this mama camel's back.

Are there enough things in life for us moms to feel guilty about...to beat ourselves up about? I would gamble on MORE than enough!

Let's see:

A trip to the dentist to find that one child now needs a trip to the orthodontist AND the oral surgeon because a baby tooth was not pulled out by the original pediatric dentist. How could I have missed that? Oh heck, I can blame it on the FIRST dentist, right?

Two other children have two cavitities each and need sealants <$$$$>! Don't be tempted to gloss over the PRESCRIPTION flouride toothpaste for the older of the two - the stuff I will feel guilty about if I do not purchase it for $15.00 a tube. Surely this must be a miracle gel. Guilt relief?!

I will admit I am only feeling 1/2 guilty about my creeping decision to maybe ignore the dentist's recommendation (for now) to take these two to the orthodontist, ALSO! C'mon...their teeth are all in straight - at this time. How bad a mom am I if I just wait and see what comes in...rather than use a panoramic x-ray to peek at what is lurking in their jaw bones...at $100.00 a pop?!

(Do I eve have to get into the whole cult religion of guilt that surrounds spending the family money? ON ANYTHING....including groceries! Ummm: NO!)

The 96 year old crotchedy dental insurance lady on the phone gave me a lecture on silver fillings as opposed to white fillings. Seems I catch it coming or going on this count: The dentist lords it over me that children psychologically should have the white fillings. Is this so their peers won't know they had a lousy mom who did not thoroughly brush their teeth after each & every meal or snack?

The dental insurance agency makes you feel like you are taking advantage of SOMEONE (not sure WHO?! other than maybe MYSELF) if you don't save money by going with those ugly silver fillings that invaded MY young mouth....cuz, ya know, "they last forever." Tell that to MY fillings - the ones now needing to be replaced. And didn't I hear somewhere that these same fillings are full of some sort of potentially toxic metal that is probably leaching into my aging body wreaking all sorts of havoc as I type this?! Oh no...the guilt of not being the supermom whose health is guaranteed to last through my great great grandchildren!

Don't even get me started on FLOSSING! That subject is enough to get a mom put in a rubber room where they don't LET you have anything as lethal as FLOSS.

And here are so random thoughts:

I have brilliant kids who can get bad grades...because I have not raised them to be motivated? Never fear, I have had school teachers & counselors beat me up about not making them strive for 110% of their ability. Heck, I have even commited the sin of pulling smart kids out of honors classes...in the interest of preserving family sanity. Silly me.

I do not read bedtime stories to the younger kids as faithfully as I did with the older two. Might as well factor in that I am sure - if you counted them up - I have not taken an equal number of photos of all 5 kids. PHOTOS?! OH NO! I sometimes lose sleep over the fact that I have photos stored digitally and not printed out and I might LOSE THEM! Could I live if that happened? Oh, Juliet - I feel your desperation.

I skated under the wire of baby books by keeping a 1st year calendar. I figure I can use those to "create" the baby books....if I really need to. Scrapbooking? HA - I refuse to let that one get me. Maybe I know too many people who do NOT succumb to it...and too many who are SLAVES to it. Enough said.

I shamefully admit that I have totally spaced out school picture days, I have stopped buying school pictures once they hit high school and - WINCE! - I never scheduled an appointment to have my daughter's senior pictures done. Explanation: she was sick and not feeling photogenic when it was time. BUT, I should have pushed for it....especially since she is now finishing her freshman year in college and we had two offers for FREE pictures from real photographers. Is now too late? I think I can blame 1/2 of this on my daughter...but I would feel GUILTY about that.

I have forced my children to move more than any therapist worth his exhorbitant fee would say is healthy. Yes, I took a young boy away from his dream house on the lake. However, if I did not, I am sure I would feel bad about living in a 1,000 SF home with 2+ bedrooms with 5+ kids. So - is that one a wash?!

I can feel guilty about not picking up a crying baby quick enough...but I have been accused of holding my babies "too much." Did I nurse them too long or not long enough? I admit to propping bottles with my foster babies at times. I am sure I do not do enough for the bio moms of my foster kids, either. (Fortunately, their black holes of need prevent too much guilt.)

I am sure I have let a child go too long without a diaper change or a good soak in the tub. I know I have discovered a child whose finger or toenails were too long and more than one child who went out in public with:

bedhead...or simply overdue for a haircut
no deodorant
no snack for school
unbrushed teeth
mismatched clothes/shoes
no socks....no underwear?!
no hug & kiss?! oh gosh - hope not too often

I have had bio kids and foster kids playing catch up with immunizations. Heck, I actually missed a 4 year old annual check up on one bio kid...and I am not telling WHO! Hey...she was really healthy that year. At least that was a no shot year...less guilt!

Speaking of shots...now I get to wonder if - in getting them shots to protect their precious health - I was actually endangering them? Oh please. I cannot even go there. I cannot even begin to tell you about the whole new level of guilt I was treated to when our child was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.

I have dogs that are overdue for shots and in need of a trip to the groomer...and, currently, they are out of food. First thing tomorrow....if I can find that coupon.

My laundry is piling up, someone or everyone cannot find socks that match, I felt bad that my child threw up in a not so clean toilet this morning, and I am not sure if I envy or despise the friend who changes all the bed sheets in her house on the same day EVERY week? Hey, I might be changing WET sheets around here even more often than that....but I am not going to keep track!

I have yelled at my kids...with the windows open. (Oh, yes...I have apologized to all of them! They are fully aware of my imperfections.) I have used a glass of wine in order to get through the dreaded dinner hour. I have allowed my husband who worked a full day to come home and change diapers, do homework, make dinner, etc. etc. etc. And, according to my kids, I have failed to make LIFE FAIR for them. *sigh*

I have not saved enough money over the years in order to buy them all the latest and greatest electronics/cell phones/etc. like the ones their friends have. (But, I have to admit, they do not expect these things!) I was not able (or willing?) to buy them a car of any sort for their 16th birthdays - gosh, I did not even throw a sweet 16th for the first two...much less a Golden Birthday party. (I did not even KNOW about such a thing...in my guilt-ridden defense!) There are no college funds....in fact, I have probably SPENT money that my kids would consider "theirs" over the years....but, of course, I spent it on THEM! (In some way or another.)

The jury is still out on whether or not I honestly feel guilty about the fact that I detest sleepovers and I avoid setting up playdates. I actually enjoyed planning fun, free, silly, creative day trips and simple vacations....so I really don't think I feel guilty that we have not taken our kids on pricey vacations. Walt Disney can leverage his parental guilt on the Joneses. And, no, I do not covet the cruise the PTO ladies went on with their combined families. Ick.

I do worry about what my kids eat and what they do NOT eat. I feel good when I plan meals (and actually make the planned meals) and kinda sorta bad when I don't. Although....scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast, cantaloupe and orange juice can be a great guilt reliever in a pinch!

In case my kids ever read this...I am not going into feeling guilty about neglecting their father's hormonal needs. That would not be MOTHER guilt....whew! But, then again...I have used motherhood to get a full night's sleep on more than one occasion!

If I get into the whole guilt scenario of not reading my bible enough, not exercising enough, not eating healthy enough, blah, blah blah...I might never recover. I have all but given up on worrying about what I might or might not have said that offended some small minded suburban mother who obviously does not have enough guilt in her own life to keep her busy. Trade me places....if for only one day! Having enough time to know I have been offended might be a LUXURY equivalent to a long hot bath...with CANDLES!

If all that were not enough, I am heading into a self-evaluation process at work that requires me to fill out an 11 page document...inspecting myself inside and out. Inside sources have tipped me off that the 0-6 scale really means you better not score in any area under a 4. So...now I will stress over it, not having the freedom to be honest, trying to figure out what score I SHOULD choose and then being challenged with the task of validating my answer. The only problem with all that is....with all this Mother Guilt...I am afraid I am left with too little healthy self esteem to make myself look good on paper for this highly relational part-time job...that I actually enjoy doing...IN REALITY! (If not for the paper part...)

I love this kid, too!

2010-03-27T23:22:00.001-05:00

Okay...now I know....I love this kid. He told me in a very brief email today that he is very sick.

AH! What does that mean?

Is he really sick? Is he healthy enough in general to fight whatever this is? Does he get to see a doctor? Is there anyone to comfort him? To wait on him or at least bring him a simple drink of water? Is this mild or is it the very worst thing I can imagine and that which I am afraid to verbalize?

Is he dramatic like my bio kids? Oh, I wish...but I doubt it.

Another child in my heart to release to the Lord. Oh...Paul had it right about life being easier if you are single. (I am simplifying scripture, I know.) But, I have to wonder if part of that was the realization that parenting is HARD STUFF!

I love this kid...

2010-03-27T23:13:00.001-05:00

I wish these photos were not so blurry. They were taken with my daughter's phone camera. I am not sure if the baby was moving or my daughter was not able to hold still. She was laughing at how stinkin' cute he was.

So many mixed emotions. I want the best for him. I want to keep him...honestly. I know his mom loves him - but - it scares me to think of how she would not be taking care of him. I am so hoping the state will take EVERYTHING into account.

Basically, they asked if I would take him with no compensation: OF COURSE! The named bio father never bothered to show up to all three visits to establish paternity. Hmmm....would he make this lil angel a priority? I was told this young man was irritated that people were rushing him and telling him what to do? (Welcome to parenthood?)

Out of the clear blue, bio mom's formerly incarcerated father - whom she has not seen for 10-15 years (depending on who you ask) - shows up. And - oh....he just happens to have a wife who has her foster license...and SHE says, "I will be taking that baby, thank you." URGH. Can you see the mother bear rumbling inside me? Truly, my throat got tight and my eyes watered. What is WRONG with me?!

I have to trust this to the Lord...knowing that this child - just like all my bio children - could be taken from me at any moment....but only if it is in accordance with HIS WILL....and on THAT, I will rest.

All things inspiring

2010-03-24T09:37:00.000-05:00

I love springtime! It inspires NEWNESS and change. I thrive on change...actually crave it! (Have to resist the urge to MAKE it happen sometimes.)

Here are a few things that I have found inspirational lately. Being exposed to these things...both simple and profound...makes me want to shed everything and make BIG changes. At least I can daydream!

http://www.ijm.org/

http://www.motherswithoutborders.org/

http://www.mamawithoutborders.blogspot.com/

Torn

2010-03-19T02:11:00.000-05:00

Struggling with how to come alongside two impoverished young souls...one here and one half way around the world.
I guess my 5 year old said it best: "Mom, why is life not fair?"
I wish I could rewind their lives and fix things.
But - even then - would I be able to make it all that much better?
Only if I could choose at least some of the circumstances.
By the way...my brilliant answer to my precious son was: "I don't know, baby...I don't know."
I think he half expected that I would not be able to make any sense of it all - for him OR for me.

Guilty As Charged! Heavenly "Tattling?!"

2010-02-09T11:07:00.000-06:00

Talking about adoption ad nauseum? Guilty as charged! 147 million children without families warrants it. If I have to stand before God and answer for what my PASSION was here on this earth...I will be happy if people - namely other "christians" - ACCUSED me of talking about this totally unacceptable number "too much."

Small groups, curriculum, processes & procedures, paperwork, church attendance, big buildings, etc? No thanks...not while there are kids who are "living" and dying on the streets and breaking the heart of my Father. It's HIS opinion of me that matters...THAT is what I will answer for. He will hold me accountable for what I knew and what I did OR DID NOT DO about it.

I got slammed by my boss - and, yes, I work in the children's ministry of large church! He accused me of talking about adoption ad nauseum. Ok, fine....guilty as charged!

I picture us standing before God our Father, and him tattling on me...."She keeps talking about all these stupid 147 million kids who need famillies!" (read that in a whiny voice with teary eyes...add a stomping foot on the end if you like)

Fun to imagine the teaching moment God might grasp!

Help Me With This Math!

2010-02-09T11:04:00.000-06:00

How do you explain to 147 million orphans that ALL of them have been CHOSEN by God - but less that 1% of them will be CHOSEN for adoption...YET, there are 265 BILLION professed Christians in the world. Even if you aren't good at math, something about those numbers is seriously twisted. Wondering how many professed Christians are in the U.S.???

How Many Conversations At One Time?

2010-02-09T11:03:00.000-06:00

Starting over and looking at life from a different angle...with a new perspective! I realized just the other day that I THRIVE in the chaos. I must have liked the craziness of a large family growing up...because I purposely recreated it...and then some!
A few years ago, Pete got the kids to play a joke on me...just to see what I was made of. He told them each to take turns - after him - starting a conversation with me...just to see how many I could keep going at one time. I made it to FOUR...before I figured them out.
They make me smile and I would not have it any other way!

Hmmm...

2010-01-28T00:22:00.000-06:00

A nice way of saying what I am thinking lately:

"I like your Christ.

I do not like your Christians.

Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Ghandi

Anyone beg to differ?

Great news!

2010-01-27T22:14:00.000-06:00

I have been informed that Gladney Adoption Agency - an agency that has been supporting Kolfe orphanage for some time now - has provided beds for ALL the boys! I sure hope this is true. Hmmm...I may have to trek over there and confirm it. (big smile)

Hard to bear...

2010-01-22T12:04:00.000-06:00

This is where MY SON sleeps...YOUR son might be sharing this "bedroom" with him.

Don't let ANY of these "forgotten" boys go another day without a Mama to call their own!

http://www.jobsdaughters.blogspot.com/

What now?

2010-01-22T10:22:00.000-06:00

One of the benefits of being in your 40s is that you FINALLY realize that making grand plans is an exercise in futility...especially if you desire to follow HIS plan for your life.

So...what's next? I have no idea. But, what I DO know is that I am open to just about anything. (Okay, that is probably not literally TRUE in the whole sense of the comment...but I WANT TO BE! And I will work on it...)

I have a friend who has been talking to me about going with her to Ethiopia on a round robin basis. I think the initial thought was to flip flop with her family between ET and the US...to keep a ministry going on both ends.

Well, I have another friend who knew nothing of this dream...and approached me with a similar vision. She would love to see almost the same model...except she is thinking of FOUR families so two would travel and live in ET TOGETHER! {smart woman, she is!} Well, adding her family to the mix made THREE...and - ah! - we both thought of the same 4th family without knowing what the other was thinking!!! This fourth family has a similar vision.

As if that were not enough, my friend's MOM contacted me about a dream she has to start something for orphans HERE in the US. They live on 3,000 acres in a gorgeous part of our country. She is not playing fair, though...she emailed me a photo of "the farm" and is appealing to the outdoor passions of my husband. Hmmm.....

I am so glad God is in charge here!

Our New Son!

2010-01-22T09:14:00.000-06:00

Here he is....I am already in love with him.

I have those mom thoughts like...he is too thin...what does he do during the day...is he safe at night...who is he hanging around with, are they positive influences?

I love the attitude in the full shot.

He would fit in just fine around here. Cute kid, lil bit of a punk!

I love how 5 year old Brogan thinks, "Mom, if you want to talk to him, just go there. And, can I come, too!?"

He sees the desolate photos of where his brother lives and it does not deter him...he wants to go to see the person. I love that his innocent mind can accept what some people in our narrow minded society view as silly or even insane.

We Have a New "BABY" Boy!!!

2010-01-14T08:39:00.000-06:00

This is the email I received yesterday. I sent off my first email to our "son" right away. I cannot wait to hear back from him. We are excited about getting to know this new member of our crazy FAMILY!

Hello Lori,

How are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. This is the boy I recommend for you. His name is Hayleyesus Alebachew. He is 18 years old. He loves to draw picture and playing soccer. He had one brother but his brother is not live in kolfe right now. He is younger than him but in some reason he left Kolfe before a year ago. He studies in college. He studies to ge good result. He is hard worker. You can get the rest of his information. He email address is....

God bless you!!!

Solomon

Answered Prayer!

2010-01-13T10:56:00.001-06:00

After some junior detective work and A LOT of prayer....(thanks to some people we do not even "know" courtesy of social networking)...HE IS HOME! If nothing else, his short absence made me realize how attached to him I am. (Good, bad or ugly...)

This is a photo I found from Christmas of me holding him. Hope he will still be with us NEXT Christmas!

Irony?

2010-01-11T14:51:00.000-06:00

As I was posting my update entitled, "Done!"....bio mom was bolting with the baby. I have no idea where he is in the city of Chicago in the bitter cold. She left with no blanket, no coat, no snowsuit for him. I have to throw myself at the feet of God and know He is in control.

DONE!

2010-01-11T10:46:00.000-06:00

So much has changed since my last post...

I was at my wit's end trying to accept the realization that - while we live in the communist state of IL, with a mean & vindictive person in the decision making seat who refuses to consider second chances - we will not be adopting internationally. I sent a one word email to Pete: "DONE!" I wanted to cry...but I think I was beyond that. I actually felt more numb than emotional.

I LOVE GOD! Less than an hour later, I received a call from an agency we work with to serve as a volunteer foster family to kids who are not really in a bad situation...their moms just need a break and some time to get on their feet. The beyond kind and compassionate voice I knew well on the other end of the line said, "Lori, I am calling you because we have an unusual situation. We have a baby who needs to be placed and we need a family willing to consider adopting him." I had to sit down. I asked when he needed to be picked up and was told he was still in the hospital - 6 days old! - and.....when could I be there?!

Ali and I looked at each other...took about one minute to let it sink in...and started making plans to go to Chicago. We both agreed it would be FUN to pick up this lil angel without telling Pete....try to get home before he did OR at least be able to send him a text photo of our new bundle.

Kane stayed with the younger kids and Pete thought we were at WalMart when he came home. Needless to say, he was quite surprised to see what we found at "WalMart!"

So began the last 2+ months with Little Bear. We do not know if God's plan is for him to stay with us permanently - but - we do know he is a blessing and FOR ME, he is a confirmation that God is in charge and His ways are not the ways of any govermental agency. He is continuing to show me that His plans for me are outside of the boxes created by any man....

Hurry up and...

2009-10-13T22:15:00.000-05:00

wait –verb

1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens

2. to be available or in readiness

3. to remain neglected for a time: a matter that can wait.
4. to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed: Your vacation will have to wait until next month.
5. to look forward to eagerly: I'm just waiting...

Some things are more challenging than others. Not sure I like to think of it in terms of #3!

I am really NOT the kind of person to read more than ONE book at a time...

2009-10-13T09:04:00.001-05:00

I think Amazon should give you a volume discount...or at least some frequent buyer card!
Here's what I have on MY "nightstand:"

I already finished this book by my sweet friend, Deanna Jones. She is incredibly real and has such a refreshing heart for moms & kids! She is so brave to share her life...wide open.

I am reading this book (after reading Chan's first book, "Crazy Love," and loving it!) with an old friend who has orchestrated an online book study via Skype. Good thing I have techno-saavy teenagers. It's an intriguing book about the Holy Spirit.

I LOVE this book. When I read it, there are some thoughts I am convinced the author is plucking straight from MY brain. She is moving me to a scary/exciting place of wanting to live with more abandon...to step out and change....FOR change. I am hoping to do this as a small group study. There are additional resources to go with it.

I have not started to read this book...yet! I recently read Craig's two previous books: The Gutter and Starving Jesus. I love this guy. He is edgy...but LOVING. He is real and sincere and NOT judgmental. He is out there reaching the "unloveable"...the people with really messy lives. Yet, he says the hardest people to love are the self.righteous Christians. Hmmm?

This book was recommended to me by a woman I interviewed for the Safe Families foster program. Reckless Faith...Let Go & Be Led. Hmmm...sounds simple? Sounds scary...like falling backwards. If the God of the universe says He will catch me, why do I not just go for it? The author's stories are intriguing and...as she says...putting a burr under my saddle!

Ten years ago, I would not have been brave enough to read these books...for fear of where they might move me. Now? I cannot read them fast enough. Lord, help me loosen my hold on what I falsely believe is "security" here on this earth.

Strange Priorities

2009-10-12T15:44:00.000-05:00

We went to a pumpkin farm fundraiser this weekend. It was $15.00 per car and that included horse rides, tractor hay rides, tattoos, a fishing "pond," lots of animals to pet & feed, places to play and a FREE pumpkin for each child.

We ended up talking to the man who was there with the more unusual animals. It was very cool to see the falcon and the itty bitty owl, among other wild animals. He was "guarding" the bald eagle and told us the story of how she came into his care. She had a problem with her wing that required surgery and she was not able to be released back into the wild since she now cannot fly straight. He also told us about a 27 year old bald eagle (way past the average life span) who came into their care with MALARIA of all things.

The animal rehabilitators had to search for malaria medication for this bird. The gentleman we talked to indicated it was complicated and pricey. He also added that the malaria infected bird only lived for three and a half weeks before dying from it's illness. (Maybe old age, too?) He proudly emphasized that at least the bird was able to die in a warm, dry barn...well fed...with the knowledge and comfort of someone taking care of her and attempting to protect her. She died with dignity...and she was not alone.

This makes me cry. Not for the bird. For the children. Who die alone. Who are not warm and dry. Who are FULLY aware that no one cares for them. Who do not get the medicine, food or clean water they need to survive...(or just not die quite so young). Who KNOW how vulnerable and unprotected they are. Who do suffer.

I do not criticize this man and his co-workers/volunteers who care for these animals. I just cannot understand how so many of us can turn our hearts cold toward SO MANY vulnerable, suffering & DYING children...

NOTE: I am happy to be able to report that these PARTICULAR "animal lovers" ARE indeed doing something for the children. The fundraiser was for orphans and needy families in South Africa! So...they used the animals they are caring for to draw people to an event that is providing for some of the children. :)

how can this not BLOW your mind?!

2009-08-11T02:39:00.000-05:00

From the book (referenced below) that I am currently reading:

Governments of the world are spending $1.2 TRILLION on their militaries. If you are like me and you cannot grasp that number - think of it this way: That is 1,200 BILLION. (Not that I can grasp a billion...but it's a closer reach than whatever a trillion is.)
The U.S. accounts for almost HALF - 1/2! - that amount...which means we spend MORE than the next 46....46!...countries combined. (Are we really feeling that much safer than the rest of the world....per dollar spent?)
Wealthy nations spend $104 billion on global humanitarian aid to assist the world's poor. That is 1/12 (think of it like a pizza...pretty small slice) of what is spent on militaries and defense.
It is estimated that only $65 billion per year would be enough to lift the one billion people who live on LESS THAN $1.00 A DAY out of their extreme poverty. In percentages? It would mean diverting ONLY 5% of global military spending toward helping those struggling to survive in our world.
Hmmm...this might seem like a no-brainer - BUT - I am sure you can do the simple "math" of greed.
I work for a church. Our main goal is (or should be) to advance the kingdom of Christ...whatever the cost may be - right? Well, economic hard times have made it necessary for church leadership to make changes. One of those changes was to cut staff salaries by a mere 5%. (This also meant that virtually no one actually LOST their job.)
People in that staff meeting were in TEARS. Are we so greedy that we cannot sacrifice 5% for something we believe in....heart and soul? Can we not celebrate the 95%?
My personal prayer is that I will hold loosely to that which is temporary and focus on the eternal and on making a loving difference in the lives of those I am blessed to know here on earth. The root of all evil is not MONEY....it is the LOVE of money. How sad that something so meaningless can consume people and make them miss out on their opportunities to make the world a better place.

Definitely Moving Me...

2009-08-09T22:39:00.000-05:00

Maybe because of where I am in life right now...

Maybe because of what I have already read up to this point...

Maybe because Rich Stearns is not afraid to SAY IT...

Maybe because God is speaking to my heart and prodding me out of my comfort zone...

Maybe all of the above?!

Scary exciting, either way!

Who the Players Are?

2009-07-27T00:31:00.000-05:00

Here's the scoop on who is involved in this bizarre and over the top adventure:
Home Study Agency: EuroAsian Adoption Consultants
www.euroasianadoption.com
Adoption Agency: Arise Adoptions, Inc. in KY
www.ariseadoptions.org
Orphanage in Ethiopia: Kingdom Vision International
www.kingdomvisioninternational.org

The Cost of Our Adoption

2009-07-27T00:17:00.001-05:00

Some people have asked...so here it is...all broken down and jawdropping!We are working with Arise Adoptions, Inc.

Application Fee - 250

Stateside Case Management, Home Study Review & Dossier Prep - 4200

International Case Management, Translation, Child Care, Medical Testing/Care, Court Representation & Humanitarian Aid - 9000 (paid in three 3000 installments)

USCIS fee (immigration) - 670

Fingerprints - 240

Home Study fee (done by EuroAsian Adoption Consultants) - 3950

Child's Visa - 450

Fees for Certifications, Authentications & Couriers - 200 to 300

Airfare per Adult - 1700 to 2300 each

Child's One Way Airfare - 1000 - 1500

Monetary gifts to Orphanage Workers - 200

And....NO....I don't want to total it up.....I know it is MORE that my brain can handle right now. I am fully aware of the BALLPARK figure...and I am praying God will show us where HIS money will come from.

Stolen thoughts

2009-07-27T00:12:00.000-05:00

Here are some things I found at the bottom of a wonderful friend's email to me. I hope it makes you think and squirm and pray and ACT!

Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act.

Proverbs 24:12 (Oh my! What DO you know?! More than you actions reveal, I bet.)

"Sometimes I’d like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world when He could do something about it.But I’m afraid God might ask me the same question."

If only 7 percent of the 2 billion Christians in the world would care for a single orphan in distress, there would effectively be no more orphans."

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Gandhi

Matthew 25...in the language of 2009!

2009-07-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed.

I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water.

I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported.

I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes.

I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness.

I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

Excerpt from The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, U.S. President of World Vision

Tough stuff...

Thrilled to have my son home...

2009-07-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

He went on an inner city missions trip to Indianapolis. They were randomly chosen for different jobs. My 2nd of five kids ended up working in a PRESCHOOL the whole time. The little kids loved him so much they did not want to let him leave. Glad they did, though....'cause his family was missin' him somethin' awful. I think his older sister was the worst.

I love summer haircuts!

2009-07-15T21:21:00.001-05:00

They are glad I talked them into these "graduated bobs." No one misses the ratty, tangled look.

I cannot change the channel anymore...

2009-07-10T16:01:00.000-05:00

Today, 6,500 people will die as a result of AIDS.

6,000 of those people will leave behind children.

Those children will join the already 15 million children who have lost parents to this treatable disease.

2.3 million children are infected with HIV world-wide.

Most pediatric infection occurs in mother-to-child transmission - the virus infects while the immune system is immature, making it easy for the virus to disseminate through the body.

It is estimated that, without treatment, 50% of HIV+ children in resource-poor settings will die by the age of two.

http://www.fromhivtohome.org/

I miss my big kid....my cartoon impersonator!

2009-07-10T13:44:00.000-05:00

Kane has only been gone for one week on a inner city missions trip to Indianapolis and it's crazy how much we MISS him. He is so much fun....so funny...and such a quick wit! I have often told him he sets the tone for the whole family's mood. When he does all his King Julian lines, how can we NOT be happy.....?!

On second thought...I disagree

2009-07-07T01:24:00.000-05:00

Someone once told me:

"The need does not necessarily justify the call"

in an attempt to make me feel better about rushing ahead of God.

Well, I don't agree with that for the most part.

143,000,000 orphans?

The need DEMANDS the call to respond...SOMEHOW!

- no matter what your religious beliefs may

or may not be.

http://www.facesoftheforgotten.org/

It's Not Okay to do NOTHING...

2009-07-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

Have a heart for children?
Have a heart for adoption?
Have a heart for the children left behind?
Have 10 bucks in your pocket?
Let’s join together and make a real difference!

Maybe you have already endured the long journey to adopt your own child. No doubt you have been bothered by the sheer numbers of children who need families, the incomprehensible number of children who will be left behind.

Maybe you have thought: “God called me to do something about this HUGE crisis – 143,000,000 orphans – to help ONLY ONE?!” Well, there IS more you can do.

Not every parent who pursues an adoption is willing to consider adopting an HIV+ child…but some ARE. Most of us are fully aware of the large financial obstacle that defines international adoption. Let’s band together to REMOVE that obstacle for families who are responding to God’s call to make these children – the least of these in the eyes of the world – a treasured part of their families.

Reece’s Rainbow and ProjectHOPEFUL (www.projecthopeful.org) have combined efforts to identify HIV+ children around the world who are available for adoption. Beautiful photos of these children can be viewed at http://reecesrainbow.org/angelhiv.htm. They are otherwise healthy children who can be adopted by parents willing and able to provide them with the love and medical attention they so desperately need.

Reece’s Rainbow has set up a grant fund to help adopting families offset the cost of their adoption. You may not be called to adopt again – or ever – but we believe ALL of us are called to respond…if even in a small $10.00 way…to the reality of 143,000,000 orphans.

The challenge: In the next 14 days, donate $10.00 or more to Reece’s Rainbow AND get at least 10 of your friends to do the same! Let’s watch that number rise. Our hearts’ desire is to hit $20,000 to $25,000…the average cost of one of these adoptions.

God created these children and they are adored by Him…and He is asking YOU to make a small sacrifice to save their lives. Up for it?

Got an extra 10 bucks…and a few kind-hearted friends?

will GOD DAMN US for our apathy?

2009-07-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

Why are we not SCREAMING about this? And doing "SOMETHING" - anything! - about it? I am not one to condone swearing - but - I have to wonder: Will GOD DAMN us for our apathy?
What about those of us who claim to be Christ followers? Is He leading us on this path of affluence and comfort?! In my opinion, not unless there is a different Bible out there that I have not read yet.

I totally LOVE this...

2009-06-29T14:02:00.000-05:00

HERE IS SOME INFO FROM http://www.onelovecoffees.com/

Love kids? Love coffee? We do too.

There are an estimated 143,000,000 orphans in the world and this number is expected to grow. Rob Webb, founder of One Love Coffee Roasters, knows personally how expensive the adoption process is. The thought of having to raise tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a child is staggering to many. It can be the obstacle that stands in the way of a family’s commitment to adopt, and many times slows down the process of bringing an adoptive family’s child(ren) home. Many people don’t know where to start. One Love Coffee Roasters wants to be that starting point for raising money to help unite families with their children.

We try to make your fundraising as simple as possible for you. One Love does not ask or require you to purchase anything. We handle all of the order processing from setting up a web page specifically for your family with the coffees you have to sell, to fulfilling the orders, collecting payment securely online and sending your portion of the proceeds. All that the adoptive family is required to do is to fill out the application to validate your adoption process, complete a our W-9 form, send the link to their One Love web page to as many people as possible to generate sales for the fundraiser, and finally notify us when your adoption is complete!

When the adoption is complete, your friends and family who purchased One Love Coffee can continue to do so on our main storefront and continue to support orphans with a portion of the proceeds of all One Love Coffees going to an orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
It’s that simple!

One Love Coffee Roasters is being built as we speak. The official website is being constructed, coffees are being cupped for final roast profiles and blends and our facility is being constructed. Take the time to read our story, then sign up for our turnkey fundraising program where your family will have a dedicated store to sell One Love Coffees while we handle all of the order fulfillment. All you have to do is sign up and get the link to your store out to as many people as possible and receive your money each month! Yes, it is THAT EASY.

Fair Trade Coffees Helping Orphans & Their Forever Families!

We try to make your fundraising as simple as possible for you. One Love does not ask or require you to purchase anything. We handle all of the order processing from setting up a web page specifically for your family with the coffees you have to sell, to fulfilling the orders, collecting payment securely online and sending your portion of the proceeds ($5 per lb. bag). All that the adoptive family is required to do is to fill out the application to validate your adoption process, complete a our W-9 form, send the link to their One Love web page to as many people as possible to generate sales for the fundraiser, and finally notify us when your adoption is complete. When the adoption is complete the friends and family who purchased One Love Coffee can continue to do so on our main storefront and continue to support orphans with a portion of the proceeds of all One Love Coffees going to an orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. So it’s that simple. Just take a look at the potential this single fundraiser could have for a single adoptive family. While our family’s adoption took less than a year, the typical adoption process is at least a two year process. So if a family gets started early they have the potential to knock out a large chunk of their adoption expense by simply getting the word out about their One Love Coffee fundraiser.

Rob Webb knows coffee. When Rob was two years old, his father started Webb’s Coffee Service, which blossomed into a full-blown refreshment service supplying businesses in Nashville, TN and the surrounding areas, and is now run by Rob.

Rob Webb knows the adoption process. In the summer of 2008, Rob and his wife Emily were called to adopt from Ethiopia. After much prayer and discussion with their first two children they started their adoption journey in August 2008. During the flurry of paperwork and preparation, Rob & Emily read books not only on adoption in general, but specifically on Ethiopia. Learning that Ethiopia is the birthplace of coffee caught Rob’s attention, and after reading about the living conditions and wages of the average coffee farmer, he was compelled to take action. What developed through his reading and his trip to Ethiopia to unite with his daughters was a realization that he could combine his expertise and longstanding desire to roast his own coffees with his desire to help others. One Love Coffee Roasters was born! Roasting Fair Trade Specialty coffees, One Love uses the proceeds to help an Ethiopian orphanage and families adopting not just from Ethiopia, but from anywhere in the world.

Do I Seek God more than I Desire "Security?"

2009-06-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

Thoughts from Chapter 7 of Crazy Love by Francis Chan:

Christians today like to play it safe. We went to put ourselves in situations where we are safe "even if there is no God." But if we truly desire to please God, we cannot live that way. We have to do things that COST US during our life on earth but will be more than worth it in eternity.

1 John 3:16-20 (New Living Translation)
We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?
Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.

John 3:16....For God SO LOVED the world that HE GAVE.... (Leading by divine example?!)

Remember the story where Jesus fed thousands of people with one boy's small lunch? ...Jesus gave the loaves to His disciples and then the disciples passed them out to the crowd. Imagine if the disciples had simply held onto the food Jesus gave them, continually thanking Him for providing lunch for them. That would have been stupid when there was enough food to feed the thousands who were gathered and hungry. (Are we not doing this in our world today? To the extreme?!)

2 Corinthians 8:13-15 (Today's New International Version)
Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality, as it is written: "The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little."

This idea is pretty far- fetched in modern-day culture, where we are taught to look out for ourselves and are thus rewarded. The gap is so extreme in our world that we have to TAKE LIGHTLY passages such as Luke 12:33: "Sell your possessions and give to the poor." How else can I walk out of a mud shack and back into my 2,000 S.F. house WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING? The concept of downsizing so that other might upgrade is biblical, beautiful...and nearly UNHEARD of. We wither close the gap or don't take the words of the Bible literally.
Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously. Dare to think about YOUR children living in poverty, without enough to eat. Dare to believe that those really ARE your brothers and sisters in need.

He offers the thought of Aspiring to the Median: People committing to living at of below the median US income ($46,000 in 2006) and GIVING THE REST AWAY! "Is it intimidating to think about giving radically and liberally?

Pride tells you that you've sacrificed more than others. Fear tells you it's time to worry about the future. Friends say you've given enough, that it's someone else's turn now.
Do we really believe that "it ought to be the business of EVERY day to prepare for our FINAL day?"
We like to find refuge in what we already have rather than in what we hope God will provide. But when Christ says to count the cost of following Him, it means we must surrender everything.

Hebrews 11:6 (New International Version)
...without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

"What are you doing right now that requires faith?" Would life change very much if you DIDN'T believe in God?
God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.

Isaiah 58:10-12 (The Message) A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places "If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.

Posts without Pictures?

2009-06-29T01:20:00.001-05:00

WHY BOTHER?!

Latest Book Order

2009-06-29T01:18:00.001-05:00

I had to limit myself to TWO....as long as the two together earned me the FREE SHIPPING. Otherwise, I - of course - would have had to find a THIRD!

Candy Wrappers

2009-06-29T01:13:00.000-05:00

This is what we put on candy bars (and water bottles) we attempted to sell at the yard sale. (I do believe MY kids ate most of the chocolate...but it had to hide out in the fridge/freezer for MUCH of the time!)

Through the Storm

2009-06-29T00:02:00.001-05:00

This really isn't a great picture....but it was about the only one we bothered to take over the almost two weeks of YARD SALE-ING. Wild and crazy....exhausting and humbling. More people came in the rain on the first Friday and Saturday than on the sunny, hot Thursday and Friday. Go figure.

Our motivation to run this circus-sized yard sale was well received by most people. I thought it was ODD that several people wanted to know if it was for PET ADOPTION?! Uh - no way would I bother - too much work for the furry, 4-legged variety.

Some people came simply because they have a heart for adoption and wanted to support us...and, of course....talk adoption!
I met people and found we had mutual friends.
We provided lots of people in our community with lots of decent clothes for only $1.00 per item....less than that for some hard core bargainers.
I was entertained by a lively brown preacher and his smiling 20-something son. He said some loving, convicting things about "The Church."
The ice cream truck camped out right at the end of my driveway TWICE and waited for the little children of "my customers" to beg money from their parents. The second time he came, my children had just brought sherbet out to me and the ride-along girlfriend in the ice cream truck actually hopped out and bought a pair of flip flops.
I have a PATH in my yard where I am hoping the grass will bounce back. Right now it looks like a cattle brand of matted, slightly brown grass.
One crabby woman told me I had the worst garage sales signs EVER...and complained that it took her forever to find me....and then she spent ONE DOLLAR!
I had wonderful friends help me before, during and after. It was priceless...just having their company...having them haggle with tough customers (I hate doing that!) and having them take my kids off to THEIR houses to swim in their pools when it was bubbling HOT.
Neighbors we knew - and several we did NOT - stepped up in a huge way with donations and even emergency tarps in the midst of the craziest stormy weather. Good hearted people....
One sweet girl asked about the reason for the GIANT yard sale, I told her, she got tears in her eyes.....and asked if she could HUG ME! Too cute....we were kinda sweaty - but - what the heck?!
I told one young guy who asked what type of adoption and he said, "WOW - that is F***ing cool!" I replied - "Yea...it is."
All my leftovers are going to a sweet woman who volunteers for me at church. Pete took a whole truck load over already and we have just as much in our garage waiting to go over right before her sale.
WE MADE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR OUR HOME STUDY! Praise God.....

2009-06-19T20:39:00.000-05:00

Okay....some people worry about rain on the DAY of their yard sale. Alas, I was treated to SO much more on the weekend of our GIANT adoption fundraising yard sale.

Let's see...rain, "SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS" (6 times the strength needed to categorize it as severe, according to the weatherman), possibility of BASEBALL sized hail - WHAT? How many people have even SEEN something like that? Add gusting winds in excess of 70 MPH, and {{{{drumroll!}}}} TORNADOES! To increase the drama, I have a tent - on makeshift poles - covering my driveway and almost my entire front yard. So, if you find MY junk in YOUR yard...just sell it and send me the proceeds!

We were blessed with TONS of donations and - thanks to neighbors who loaned us tarps and my husband's HARD work - we only have a few wet clothes that will most likely dry out in the sunshine of tomorrow's predicted 80 degree weather. WOO HOO!

If you don't laugh, you will surely cry!

God sent us spectacular weather, but the people still came and the day we thought we were not even going to set up at all was QUITE profitable. Praying for tomorrow and maybe even Sunday...if we still have some good stuff leftover.

It's fun to think of this crazy experience as an analogy to our adoption experience:

It's a huge undertaking
We humbled ourselves and asked for support (donations flowed in from people we know and those we had never met)
A small handful of people - not necessarily the people we might have suspected - came alongside us and gave us tremendous support
When it seemed like we were not going to be able to pull it off, we just kept going anyway
Some people were weird about it....oh well!
Even after only Day 1, it was worth it! Now THAT is the part I will be looking forward to...."Day One!!"
OH, BUT WAIT! What does it mean if we are doing this all over again tomorrow...and maybe Sunday....THREE TIMES? Three times?! ("Ummm...Pete?.....)

Listening to Sports Salaries

2009-06-15T23:34:00.000-05:00

Listening to baseball highlights while brainstorming fundraising ideas.

Do you ever just wish the guy who makes 20 million a year playing a ball game would toss you 20K to adopt a kid?

Here's an interesting perspective....(just for "fun")

Below are the 2009 salaries for the top 25 Major League Baseball players on active rosters and disabled lists as of June 1.

1. 3B Alex Rodriguez, NYY $ 33,000,000

2. OF Manny Ramirez, LA $ 23,854,494

3. SS Derek Jeter, NYY $ 21,600,000

4. 1B Mark Teixeira, NYY $ 20,625,000

5. OF Carlos Beltran, NYM $ 19,243,682

6. OF Carlos Lee, HOU $ 19,000,000

7. OF Magglio Ordonez, DET $ 18,971,596

8. SP/LH Johan Santana, NYM $ 18,876,139

9. SP/RH Carlos Zambrano, CHC $ 18,750,000

10. SP/LH Barry Zito, SF $ 18,500,000

11. OF Torii Hunter, LAA $ 18,000,000

12. OF Ichiro Suzuki, SEA $ 18,000,000

13. OF Alfonso Soriano, CHC $ 17,000,000

14. 3B Aramis Ramirez, CHC $ 16,650,000

15. 1B Todd Helton, COL $ 16,600,000

16. SP/RH A.J. Burnett, NYY $ 16,500,000

17. SP/RH Tim Hudson, ATL $ 15,500,000

18. SP/LH CC Sabathia, NYY $ 15,285,714

19. SP/RH Jason Schmidt, LA $ 15,217,401

20. OF Vladimir Guerrero, LAA $ 15,000,000

21. 1B Ryan Howard, PHI $ 15,000,000

22. SP/RH Derek Lowe, ATL $ 15,000,000

23. RP/RH Mariano Rivera, NYY $ 15,000,000

24. SS Miguel Tejada, HOU $ 14,811,414

25. 1B Lance Berkman, HOU $ 14,500,000

Ever wish you had the guts to send 'em a fundraising letter?! Of course, not - but it's fun to imagine it!

Preschool Graduation

2009-06-11T14:24:00.001-05:00

I almost forgot to post photos of the preschool graduation. It was short and sweet. The best part about it was that our WHOLE family was able to attend....plus one! I guess maybe it would be sad if I knew we were done with this age. See - there ARE benefits to not having a concrete "plan!"

He finally did that "graduate thing" and got his diploma. Now it's "KINDERGARTEN, HERE I COME!"

Family photo opportunity....plus one! I think Brogan felt special with EVERYONE there to see him graduate. He did not even mind wearing his felt cap.

We try not to take for granted the convenience of Pete working so close to home. Gotta love the White Sox hat with the grad cap underneath. Ice cream social in full swing!

What a face!

With Miss Beth...what a sweetheart....glad we did half the year in the morning class!

Miss Tricia....made the switch to afternoons SO much easier than it could have been. (Has no clue he is NOT doing a good job hiding the candy in his cheek!)

Miss Kathy...what an easy-going, accepting mom & teacher....fun conversations with her this year! (Pucker face kid)

Gotta be careful where you leave your coveted grad cap laying around....who IS that large kindergarten kid?!

Can't leave out Miss Kathy's monster truck. Little boys are easily impressed....hehehe!
Probably THE most beautiful preschool campus in the country!

SCHOOL'S OUT FOR THE SUMMER!

2009-06-11T14:19:00.000-05:00

As of today at 9:00 am....we are FREE! ('til sometime in late August...not nearly long enough)

In case you are wondering what the lyrics are....

2009-06-10T14:51:00.001-05:00

I love this song by Nickelback!

IF TODAY WAS YOUR LAST DAY

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

Just putting this here....

2009-06-09T17:48:00.001-05:00

...to prove that I can post an entry withOUT a photo or illustration. (It's killin' me tho!)

They will have stories...

2009-06-08T23:21:00.001-05:00

My brother knows how to make the fish look SO SO big in comparison to the fisherman.

Sounds like they had perfect weather, perfect fishing conditions and a wonderful time.

Ali was feeling a lil queasy so she sat out for a bit...but Papa was determined to have her catch a fish. When Kane hooked on to one, they all agreed he should hand the rod to Ali. Well, Kane was reluctant. Uncle Bill could not stop laughing as he told me about how they were playfully punching Kane in the arms to get him to let go of the rod. Why? Because Kane quickly realized THIS fish was bigger than any one he had hooked into before. (Of course, right?) Mat put a comical spin on it. While he was telling his dad about the fishing adventure on the phone, he explained that Kane hooked a HUGE striper...but had to have Ali reel it in for him. Very cute.

Did I mention how much I love having big kids? I miss 'em - but I am happy they are having fun. I am so thankful that my kids love my extended family and vice versa. The fact that everyone seems to like the boyfriend is just extra. (smile)

WOW!

2009-06-07T20:35:00.001-05:00

Our efforts to put flyers ALL around our neighborhood is paying off. I am still getting calls about dropping off stuff - AND- my living room is already PACKED! We will find a place for it all...even if we have to stack it several feet high! (Might have to invade the kids' bedrooms and take over the basement, soon!)

One wonderful woman in my neighborhood is letting me borrow CLOTHING RACKS her church stores in a shed. They loan these racks to other churches who are having rummage sales or to private citizens who are having big 'ole yard sales.

A few friends have offered to come to sort, price and work the yard sale with me. Others have offered to either bake stuff and drop it off - OR - come earlier in the week and bake at MY house. (Maybe it was the wine cooler bribe I sent out in an email.....???)

I am overwhelmed by the positive, supportive response. I know I am basically just taking the leftovers of what they wanted outta their house anyway - but - they have all been SO wonderfully pleasant! And, to think, I was afraid people would be offended by finding our flyer on their porches....

It's fun to see the reactions now that the front room is JAM PACKED. The hardest part will be to keep MY kids from burrowing in there like naked mole rats and rummaging through everything. I told the three youngest kids they have to PURCHASE whatever they want to keep. (Since they have no money - this should not be a problem! )

IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND YOU DONATED YOUR STUFF TO US: THANK YOU!

All Over the Map Today

2009-06-05T00:28:00.001-05:00

Wow - what a weird day. I ended up telling Pete that I have decided I am like connective tissue. None of this is at all about ME. (And I like it that way!!!)I spoke with a lady from the local farmer's market here in IL who is going to comp me a space each week to offer Bead for Life jewelry as a fundraiser. I spoke to the Bead for Life people in CO and they love the idea. I should receive a large shipment by June 21st - woo hoo! Striking aWEARness....

I spoke with an Associated Press reporter from the Chicago area who is covering the placement of a brand new baby with my freind who is serving as a Safe Family through Lydia Home. We are all going to pick up that lil baby tomorrow (technically today - late night again) and I am curious to see what the story angel will be. My friend who is getting the baby for a couple months passed my name along to a man in TN who started an organization to get retail owners (some BIG ones, too) to support orphans around the world. I was only able to speak to him for a short time but - WOW - I loved what I read on his website. Check it out: http://retailroi.org/

I have also been playing phone tag with a pleasant DCFS social worker in FL. I inquired - on a whim - about a darling lil boy I saw on a photolisting. I never ever thought they would entertain:

A family all the way up in Chicago, or
A family whose home study was done in 2006.

However, this woman said they are looking for the best match for this child and if that family happens to be in IL, we can get our home study updated prior to placement. I know it is a long shot.....but it is fun to go for it.....who knows, maybe this is part of God's crazy plans!

And I FINALLY found some old - very important - photos for a special family in NJ. I could not send the zip file 'cause it was HUGE...so I put the pics on Snapfish. I hope that works!

The weirdest part of it all is that I am so "NO ONE!" I am a mom of five without a college degree - just an open mouth, willing to share what and who I know. Hey - it will be fun to see what God does through an empty vessel, huh?!

You Can No Longer Say...

2009-06-04T11:21:00.000-05:00

...you don't know the most fickle woman in the world! I drove through the neighborhood on this BEAUTIFUL, sunny day....and changed my mind - AGAIN! I am thinking I might just be doing people a "favor" by offering to take what doesn't sell after this weekend off their hands. I also figured, since there are very few weekends in the summer, I might as well have the Fundraiser Yard Sale on a weekend when ALL my kids are not around to do SOMETHING ELSE that would be MUCH more fun than this "task."

I think a catscan would consistenly show thoughts and plans bouncing wildly off the sides of my brain! My kids have friends who come over and cannot comprehend my passion for CHANGE...I freak them out whenever I move the furniture around...which is often! The current boyfriend has just resigned himself to it...and he even helps out. (Not without at least one comment tho!! :)

So, anyway....here's my new plan:

Neighborhood yard sale is THIS weekend - get flyers to everyone by Saturday (Hoping to paint small river rocks with HEARTS and a simple message to hold the paper down on the porch or driveway! Ah - grand plans...in such little time! Same as always...)
Have people drop off donations from June 7-13
My kids will be in VBS for 21/2 hours everyday the week of June 15-19...time alone to PURGE & PRICE!
Have the yard sale on June 19 & 20!!! I will have only 3 out of 5 kids around to whine about what is out there for sale. Having the older kids around would not reduce the amount of protesting I know I will get from the little people. (My older kids will be THRILLED to not have to do all the work that goes into a regular yard sale - much less a hopefully HUGE event!)

I could use your prayers.....I HATE, HATE, HATE to do yard sales....I usually just donate it to the Goodwill or local thrift store. (Or - truth be told, throw it away! wince...) I am going to try to VISUALIZE the child I am doing this for....whether he be in a foster home somewhere here in the USA or running around in Ethiopia.....OR BOTH!?! (Oh - now there is a thought that might scare Pete....not that it would SURPRISE him at all....he knows me too well.)

Update of a Couple Previous Posts

2009-06-03T09:51:00.000-05:00

Just to keep the facts of MY life in order. Here's an update....

We are not having the Adoption Yard Sale Fundraiser anytime soon. My big kids are flying to NH this weekend and will be gone for two full weeks. There is no way I can pull that off without them to help out....even if it is just keeping the younger ones out of my hair. Hopefully, sometime before the summer is over.

I sent half of the Ethiopian scarves to Carolyn at ProjectHOPEFUL. I sold three just the other day at work because I have a co-worker who is completely sweet and encouraging and just wanted to support us. Two others took an interest and now I have cash and checks to start the official Adoption Savings Account. If we adopt internationally, this is the first drop in the bucket. If we adopt domestically through the foster care system, it should not cost much and we will take whatever we do not need and send it to ProjectHOPEFUL and Kingdom Vision International to help facilitate the adoptions of OTHER children.

Jolica Invitations

2009-06-03T00:33:00.001-05:00

This is what I am mailing out today (since it is after midnight already!)....I only need SIX people to commit to hosting a party for me in order to qualify to become a Gift Consultant without paying a large start up fee. This costs them NOTHING - but I am still nervous that someone might get offended and think I am trying to SELL them something. I guess I would LOVE it if they saw something they just HAD to have....but they are really just doing me a huge favor in opening their home and giving me a couple hours of their time. I actually think it might be fun and I am SO hoping to connect with some old friends.

"You can't take a stand if you're sitting on the fence." I read those words of wisdom off the cardboard 6-pack holder of Mike's Hard Lemonade. (yes...it's MINE!) Okay...it's not an actual biblical quote....but I really like it! I am not going to worry or apologize for my efforts to make a difference in the lives of my children and in the lives of OTHER children. I am just gonna hand it off to God and see what He wants to do with it.

Okay...was it just too weird that I wracked my brain for WHO to send these invites to, I addressed all the envelopes and had EXACTLY the number of stamps here in the house at this late hour for each and every envelope - not one more, not one less. If you are checking in here because you received an invitation to host a start-up Jolica party for me, I guess you can consider yourself "chosen!"

What a GREAT Day!

2009-06-03T00:28:00.000-05:00

...came home to all 5 kids hangin' out - laughing and talking in the living room (no electronics on!), played dice games with them, went for a long walk, got a $300 annual discount on meds, picked up a very part-time sitting job for 50 bucks a week (school year only - woo hoo!)...and just found the invite on FB to VBS at our wonderful old church! AND! The only class that was already closed was not one that MY kids would be in. I was thrilled to see it is the week my older 2 will be in NH and we have NOTHING on the calendar.

I used to prep for those VBS weeks when I attended and worked at our old church. WOW - memories. Sometimes, I miss those days.....but, if I had to give up all that God has done for and in us since....I would not go back in time. Bittersweet. Maybe that is precisely WHY God does not allow us to "time travel!?"

Hope Offered!

2009-06-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

Spoke to a Social Worker today....who is not at all shocked by anything I told her AND she is more than willing to work with us. I was honest about telling her we are interested in fostering - BUT - even more interested in adopting. AAAAANNNNNDDDD....she has experience with interstate adoptions!

Could this be an open(ing) door?!

Interstate "Options"

2009-05-31T20:38:00.000-05:00

Okay....my mom always used to tease me for not going the easy route and just following the recipe. Here I go again....

We are considering INTERSTATE ADOPTION of a waiting child in the foster care system. Why? Well, because there are children waiting for families in the foster care system. (Kind of a no brainer)

You would think this would be pretty simple since it is all in the good ole US of A. Not the case. It is complicated. So much so that it makes me want to do two things:

1. Slap the next person who quotes me the statistics of how many kids are in the US foster care system;

2. Do something to change the fact that it is SOOOO complicated I am sure there are many people who look into it and then do not even bother.

Of course, we would be open to adopting from the lovely, communist state of IL - however - we are planning to stay in birth order and hope to adopt a child younger than our youngest who is 2 weeks shy of 5. I have been told on more than one occasion we will never find a child that young in the foster system to adopt...they are all placed with foster families and adopted by them OR they are returned to their families OR (I am guessing this is the most common) they bounce around the foster care system until they are much older than 4 or 5.

High School, Kindergarten & Preschool GRADUATIONS!

2009-05-21T09:24:00.001-05:00

Who would plan it this way? Not me.....GOD! Made it through our first high school graduation. Ali cried a little on the way in....admitting it was just a totally weird mix of opposing emotions. The teachers/faculty kept it short and sweet. (Thankfully!) And Ali's boyfriend, Mat, added such a fun, positive tone. I am excited for her.....she has her whole life ahead of her and she seems to be thoroughly enjoying it!

We gave Ali a "purse laptop" for graduation since she has a desktop in her room. She is loving it....and says it is where all her friends "live!" I guess she does not have to lose touch with them after all....thanks to Facebook. Pete gave her a check for $100 that she is supposed to put in the bank for 40 years! WOW....check out Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University for an explanation. I told Pete this is his simple way of providing for his kids and grandkids!

I gave her a necklace from Ten Thousand Villages she has been admiring for MONTHS. We joked about having expensive taste - BUT - it went down by 50%! I think she was surprised by it and she has worn it since I gave it to her.

I will post pictures of the Kindergarten and Preschool graduates soon. Brogan told another lil kid the other day that, "Yea, I'm going to Kindergarten....but I have to do that 'graduate thing' to get outta preschool first." He is SUCH a nut.

The People Who Influence Your Children

2009-05-17T00:05:00.000-05:00

I love this photo because it reminds me of when Ali was only 6 and we moved into the house on the lake...right next door to Rob and Sherri.

Or - should I say: "Rob-yn and the Sherri!?" (To quote Tatum!)

I can vividly remember walking back to the house in the dark on the first night we stayed there, and having Rob & Sherri stop us on the sidewalk to excitedly ask if we were the family moving in next door.

We spent almost 7 glorious years in that wonderful house right on the lake....like being on vacation 3/4 of the year...with the best neighbors in the whole wide world.

They will never know how precious it was to have them watch our kids grow up, to have them show our kids unconditional love and acceptance...to support us as bohemian parents!

Thanks, Rob & Sherri....we are so proud of the person our daughter has become and YOU were a part of that!

And today: SHE GRADUATES HIGH SCHOOL!

I think this photo is FUN because it is our first born daughters together. During all those years, I never pictured THIS! Absolutely precious.....and definitely worth waiting for.