Afraid to Pray for Patience

I have always been afraid to actually PRAY for patience. I was pretty sure it came only through the hard stuff....at the very LEAST it would mean long periods of WAITING! Heck, who wants to WAIT for anything? My generation can scarcely remember life before the microwave.

But...here is what I have found lately: I don't really HAVE to pray for patience. I am finding that the more time I spend seeking Him...searching earnestly for His will for my life...the more I am willing to follow where He leads and WHEN...so there is no need to ask for patience...it is just part of the package.
God really CAN be trusted to orchestrate the details of my life...if I get outta the way...and quit messing it up. It is SUCH a wonderful, peaceful feeling to know that I do not have to "make things happen." My job is to STOP-LOOK & LISTEN.

1. Stop being so busy "doing" (or in MY case: thinking & manipulating)
2. Look...into His word! Really? We are missing the obvious when we whine about God not telling us what He wants us to do. He is like a classic parent...saying it several times to children who refuse to hear & comprehend.
3. Listen! Ok...really....I have never received an AUDIBLE message from God - although that WOULD be WAY COOL! I have, however, had the very blessed experience of a peace that washes over me like a wave during two rather stressful times in my life. Now? I can say I feel a general sense of trust in His timing, in His plan...even when the world would say: "Hey, crazy lady! DO SOMETHING....NOW!" I am getting to the point where "wait" is not necessarily an answer I rebel against. Instead, I am learning to look for the rewards that I would MISS if I rushed past where He wants me at that time.

If you do not know the peace of patience that can only come from the Lord....a sense that He will open the right doors and we just have to be willing to walk through them (and NOT be tempted to get the crowbar after the shut doors!)....you are missing out. Maybe it's too scary to PRAY for patience. I get that - really - I DO! BUT...I would say...pursue it as a byproduct that comes from seeking hard after Him. Personally, I wanna be huddled up close to the one who cared enough to give it ALL up for ME!

A 3 year old should not die alone. A 3 YEAR OLD SHOULD NOT DIE!

Ok...yes...I am up at an insane hour. I was just about to go to bed when I got a message from the wonderful man we may work with in Ethiopia.

He was asking me to pray for a little 3 1/2 yo girl who is in the hospital DYING! She is HIV+ and her mom died about 2 weeks ago. No one really knew they were +.....mom kept it a secret until it was too late. Ugh....and meds are free. It looks like it will be too late for this precious daughter. There is a 10 yo brother who is not +....but that is another tragedy. He lost his mom, he will lose his sister and who will raise him? I was told a neighbor is caring for him. But...will they continue? If or when they realize this boy's mother & sister "died from AIDS" will they believe he is safe to be around? The stigma is still there. I know of two women who just recently were turned away from jobs as housekeepers because they were HIV+. College educated young adults do not completely believe me when I explain the facts to them.

Ignorance is killing people.


What can we do? How soon can we do it? Is God calling us to hospice? To step into the emotionally challenging task of loving people as they die? NO one should die alone. No one should be left all alone. Everything in me wants to BE there right now.

What I really wish is that I could get on a plane tomorrow and be there to hold this little girl...so she would not die alone. Be there to comfort the little boy who will have no family whatsoever. Can you believe I priced the ticket? Oh, yes - and I have it all "figured out"....'cept the money....because I really COULD just go.

I walked about 4 miles tonight...wrestling with God. I am heartbroken and there is no other way I want to be. I cannot be "okay" with life here - the way we live it, the way we WASTE it - when I know a little girl is dying alone right now...because her mom was too afraid to tell anyone they were sick. I know their names.

How many others? Too many. Why is this something we are able to ignore? Are we okay with this....because it does not affect us? Are we human?

I would go tomorrow.

I know people think I am crazy. I guess I just really don't care.


Their names are Frehiwot and Brook.

Am I brave enough to say: Here's My Life

I want this....I want my life to be laid out for Him...but, I also want the close relationship to be completely honest with Him and able to lean into Him for what only HE can supply!

Am I BOLD ENOUGH to say: I Refuse

Faith Without Works?

Is my faith DEAD? Or is it just stifled because what my HEART desires is OH SO strange and scary to the average American Christian?
What does it mean and what does it look like to give Him everything? Do I trust Him with it? Do I honestly believe it is His and He deserves it...ALL?

My Favorite Day

Usually, I am not slow to catch on....really....honestly....I am quite the opposite - unless, of course, God is sending me messages....LOUD & CLEAR! I have joked that I really do not need to know God's WHOLE plan...but, I would love an occasional Post-It Note to drop from the sky.

On November 2, 2009, I had come to the end of my persistent and often manipulative personality.

(See http://emptyhandsfullhearts.blogspot.com/2010/11/golden-promises.html for details)

I was DONE trying to force open the adoption doors that were closing...or slamming shut. But - gosh darn it - God was not taking away the sincere desire to parent more children...and I knew full well I was not birthin' any more babies!

I gave up. In reality, I gave up trying it MY way and God - almost IMMEDIATELY - showed me HIS WAY! I picked up my precious lil brown boy later that day. At that time, I was amazed - but - looking back? I AM FLOORED!

Fast forward exactly one year later...November 2, 2010.

Kari Smalley Gibson was raffling off a FREE missions trip to Ethiopia. All I had to do was buy a t-shirt. Hundreds of people did the same. The winners were drawn over the weekend at a leaders training seminar..but POSTED on November 2. Enough t-shirts were sold for 2 free trips - and 2 names were drawn. Not my name. BUT....oh, BUT! A wonderful family anonymously gave funds for a 3rd free trip....and GOD CHOSE ME! Out of hundreds of people whose hearts' desire was to go and be blessed and BE a blessing in Ethiopia...for some reason - GOD CHOSE ME! And....I found out on November 2nd!

I did not think 45 was "old" - but - now...I may have to go get a CT scan to make sure everything is alright. <jk> 'Cause - DANG - it was only the other day that it finally occured to me that BOTH of these knock-your-socks-off, change-your-life & let-Me-drive-it-home-to-you-that-YES-I-care-so-much-about-lil-ole-YOU moments happened on THE SAME DATE exactly one year apart!!!!

I have never had a "favorite day." Oh, sure....I love my anniversary, and the day each of my kids were born...but, a favorite day? Naw - not really....not for anything but the above "obvious" reasons...and my own birthday is too close to Christmas. Even the day I gave my life to Christ was in August...and it was more of a process - that eventually culminated into a personal surrender - since I grew up in a Christian home.

BUT...now? OH, yes...I have a favorite day: November 2nd, baby! I would be lying if I said I was not looking forward to THIS year's November 2nd with excitement and anticipation. Maybe nothing "special" will happen. However, it WILL be a wonderful day because it will be a time to look back over the last 2 years and be hugely thankful. (And...ya never know.....?!)

Bottomline?...I think God is pretty cool...to care enough to do 2 things that rocked my world and brought me closer to Him and showed me how much He really cares about me and my puny life...and on the SAME day of the year!

This Picture Makes Me Cry - EVERY TIME!

Here is a photo that expresses the depth of where my heart is. The look on this boy's face crushes me. He is a young orphaned boy who was pulled off the street...and put into a government orphanage with hundreds of other "boys"....ranging in age from maybe as young as 6 up to (gasp) 25! Let's be like most people and not even begin to think of the horrors that may be happening in that place. *sigh*


This precious child should NOT be walking around each day trying to figure out life by himself - or worse, in the midst of so many other lost souls.

He should NOT be going to bed all alone, feeling like no one loves him, no one in the whole world cares at all.

If we can go and love kids like this boy - give them a smile, a hug, a kiss, a meal, a shirt, a pair of shoes...a face to look forward to seeing...a reason to HOPE - it's worth it to me.