Monday, October 11, 2010

Swallowed in a Sea of Need & Pulled from the Side by This World?!

I follow a few blogs and MOST of them have to do with orphans and adoption. I am so immersed in the need that I can no longer imagine what it is like to live the suburban American life and not think about this global atrocity...much less ACT to change it. I am livin' it 24/7 and I must admit...there are brief moments of time when I think, "What the heck am I doing?!"
I am 44 years old...and I have 7 kids who range in age from 20 down to almost 1. If I did not have "other people's kids," this would be the very first year all my biological kids would be in school all day. Isn't that supposed to be the mom equivalent of FREEDOM? Like serving your sentence and finally being released? Or...maybe it's an "opportunity" to return to that overrated work stand up and shed my Mom attire...if only for a few hours each day. To have lunch hours and commutes and a schedule with meetings and phone calls that have nothing to do with children...
I did the math the other day. If this youngest angel stays, I will be almost 88 years old when he is MY age. NO more math!
I look at other families with 2.2 children and sometimes I wonder WHY my heart was not content there. A house, cars, vacations....a life in sight that does not have handprints all over every surface, sticky floors, bats & balls all over the yard or laundry that can literally be scaled by mountain goats. Not doubling (tripling?) recipes? Not shopping in bulk? No refereeing squabbles? Not figuring out how to explain the subtle nuances that make up a child who SEES color - but embraces and celebrates it!?

Then I have a glass of wine, sit back and get all choked up thinking how blessed I am that I have kids who love each other, love others and mess up my life with laughter! They change diapers, they wrestle, they argue, they play....they learn the value of human life...EVERY human life. They learn to live for more than themselves. There is no car manufactured or vacation place on the face of this earth I would trade for any of THAT!


Anonymous said...


This blog entry brings me to tears because I feel so much of what you said. I took much longer than you to jump back into mothering a baby. My youngest were 14 when I finally began my adventure into fostering. But, I cannot be content with a life of travel and freedom, it just seems so empty to me, spending the money on myself when I know there are children who don't have their basic needs met of food, clothing, shelter and LOVE. You inspire me, make me feel like a slug at times (LOL) but definitely make me want to do more! I am proud to call you friend. (Mary Lettenmair)

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