Saturday, March 27, 2010

I love this kid, too! I know....I love this kid. He told me in a very brief email today that he is very sick.
AH! What does that mean?

Is he really sick? Is he healthy enough in general to fight whatever this is? Does he get to see a doctor? Is there anyone to comfort him? To wait on him or at least bring him a simple drink of water? Is this mild or is it the very worst thing I can imagine and that which I am afraid to verbalize?

Is he dramatic like my bio kids? Oh, I wish...but I doubt it.

Another child in my heart to release to the Lord. Oh...Paul had it right about life being easier if you are single. (I am simplifying scripture, I know.) But, I have to wonder if part of that was the realization that parenting is HARD STUFF!

I love this kid...

I wish these photos were not so blurry. They were taken with my daughter's phone camera. I am not sure if the baby was moving or my daughter was not able to hold still. She was laughing at how stinkin' cute he was.

So many mixed emotions. I want the best for him. I want to keep him...honestly. I know his mom loves him - but - it scares me to think of how she would not be taking care of him. I am so hoping the state will take EVERYTHING into account.

Basically, they asked if I would take him with no compensation: OF COURSE! The named bio father never bothered to show up to all three visits to establish paternity. Hmmm....would he make this lil angel a priority? I was told this young man was irritated that people were rushing him and telling him what to do? (Welcome to parenthood?)
Out of the clear blue, bio mom's formerly incarcerated father - whom she has not seen for 10-15 years (depending on who you ask) - shows up. And - oh....he just happens to have a wife who has her foster license...and SHE says, "I will be taking that baby, thank you." URGH. Can you see the mother bear rumbling inside me? Truly, my throat got tight and my eyes watered. What is WRONG with me?!

I have to trust this to the Lord...knowing that this child - just like all my bio children - could be taken from me at any moment....but only if it is in accordance with HIS WILL....and on THAT, I will rest.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

All things inspiring

I love springtime! It inspires NEWNESS and change. I thrive on change...actually crave it! (Have to resist the urge to MAKE it happen sometimes.)

Here are a few things that I have found inspirational lately. Being exposed to these things...both simple and profound...makes me want to shed everything and make BIG changes. At least I can daydream!

Friday, March 19, 2010


Struggling with how to come alongside two impoverished young here and one half way around the world.
I guess my 5 year old said it best: "Mom, why is life not fair?"
I wish I could rewind their lives and fix things.
But - even then - would I be able to make it all that much better?
Only if I could choose at least some of the circumstances.
By the brilliant answer to my precious son was: "I don't know, baby...I don't know."
I think he half expected that I would not be able to make any sense of it all - for him OR for me.